I don't have any pets, because I am allergic (...to having to fucking get up every morning and go outside and stand around waiting for an animal to poop and then touch the poop and then carry the poop around with me), but I do have love for the little buddies. And I understand that, in a lot of people's families, animal friends are terrifically important—worth spending thousands and thousands of dollars on, in fact.

Amazon.com composed a list of the 20 American cities that spend the most on their pets:

1. Miami
2. Seattle
3. Atlanta
4. San Francisco
5. Portland, Ore.
6. Washington, D.C.
7. Las Vegas
8. Austin, Texas
9. Tucson, Ariz.
10. San Diego
11. Sacramento, Calif.
12. Raleigh, N.C.
13. Denver
14. Colorado Springs, Colo.
15. Baltimore
16. San Jose, Calif.
17. Albuquerque, N.M.
18. Chicago
19. Omaha, Neb.
20. Virginia Beach, Va.

I mean...question. Isn't one of the best things about dogs that they don't give a shit about anything? They're chill-out dudes who love you no matter what! Pet them, let them go outside, throw a thing to the other end of the hallway and let them bring it back, give them some meaty nuggets...they're solid. How much expenditure is really necessary here? And cats care even less! They literally just want a cardboard box. And they don't even care how big it is.

Anyhoo, whatever. I'm being contrarian. The truth is, if I was better at waking up and I didn't have this debilitating cat-fur allergy and I could afford to have a maid come lint-roll the fur off of every surface of my home on the daily, I'd definitely snag a cat or two and a dog or two and then turn my house into a nonstop hilarious gif factory.

And apparently I live in the right city for it (SEATTLE!!!!! WOOOOOOO!!!! WE'RE #2!!!!!).

Miami residents bought the most apparel and accessories, grooming products and health supplies, while Seattle residents bought the most pet treats. San Jose, California, boasted the most sales of horse-related products.

Seattle, man. You're making these dudes soft.