Holy shit, something's wrong with the teens. The teens have gone mad. After Kiwi chanteuse Lorde apparently said (to someone, somewhere—I literally can't find any sources on it besides teens on Twitter) that Justin Bieber and the members of One Direction are "ugly," wounded superfans began firing back with a barrage of potshots at James Lowe, Lorde's rumored boyfriend. In the way that the overemotional rantings of the ignorant so often do, the attacks turned racist almost immediately.
The onslaught is still going strong, bolstered by last week's tabloid decision to post bikini photos of a 17-year-old girl—which included bonus pics of Lorde hugging the 24-year-old Lowe—as well as a photo of the couple Instagrammed by Tyler, The Creator with the caption "Hhahahahahah." Good one, guy.
Most of the tweets simply call Lowe ugly and/or express bewilderment at the coupling—Lowe and Lorde, it seems, don't "match" in a way that their brains can comprehend. I've mentioned before that I'm in a relationship with someone way more conventionally attractive than me, and the proprietary/borderline charitable way that conventionally attractive women interact with my boyfriend (like they'd be righting the balance of the universe by "taking" him from me) is astonishing. Our culture has a lot of social and literal capital tied up in the idea that conventional physical beauty is the defining factor in successful relationships. When couples like Lorde and Lowe violate that tacit social contract (by, you know, just liking each other a lot while being slightly different amounts of "hot"), the response is usually swift, bewildered, and thick with disgust.
Even the tweets that don't specifically mention Lowe's race, I suspect, are at least partially driven by our culture's nasty stereotyping of Asian men as unsexy and sexless.
Basically, the whole thing is a complete shitshow:
@lordemusic your boyfriend can suck my doesnt exist dick he's so damn ugly ew you couldnt find better?
— Peeta Mellark (@gomezsparadise) December 9, 2013
Think Lorde is nominated for having the uglyest boyfriend and looking like this !! Eewww ���� pic.twitter.com/hqtmekyV8u
— ♡ THEE OLLG™ ♡ (@OLLG_SAfrica) December 9, 2013
@lordemusic Your boyfriend is ugly as fuck you fucking bitch!
— MILEY CYRU$ (@mcyruschanel) December 9, 2013
@lordemusic Lorde says 1D and Justin are ugly? LOLZ LOLZ LOLZ LOOK AT YOUR FUCKING UGLY BOYFRIEND! HE IS SKINNY AND UGLY LOLZ!!
— Diaz | Lana Del Rey (@BadKidDiaz) December 9, 2013
Oh wait, your boyfriend is 7 years different from you 0_0... Oh hell no, Lorde. You'd scored a scrawny asian sugardaddy.
— YourMother (@Sandy_FYSAD) December 9, 2013
Many of the teens seem simply confused:
lorde's boyfriend looks like a chinese tbfh
— ♡audrey♡ (@sykescarsm) December 9, 2013
Lorde's boyfriend look Chinese/Asia/Korean,Some type of shit V___V
— W.B™ (@DopePerfextion) December 9, 2013
Lorde's boyfriend looks asain. No offence but he is ugly af #truth
— BYESTAGRAM (@nouisdacraic) December 9, 2013
While others can't tell him apart from the one other Asian guy they know:
omg is lorde's boyfriend Fred Wu from Awkward hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
— Linda N. ☺∞ (@osnapitzlinz) December 9, 2013
Lorde: "All of One Direction are ugly."
Come back to us when your boyfriend doesn't look like PSY gone wrong.
— C (@dxisychainzayn) December 9, 2013
Lorde called one direction ugly.
Girl your boyfriend looks like Mao Tse Tung. (mao zedong)
— Louis Follow Me Pls (@extraodinlarry) December 9, 2013
— (@tnksell) December 9, 2013
Some of the stereotyping is just lazy:
Lorde's boyfriend �� is he a math nerd or something? ��������
— Sfia Jsmn (@SufiaSaiful) December 9, 2013
but lorde's boyfriend looks like the captain of a chess club pic.twitter.com/6KRrpt0750
— D-4 (@WILLIAMPONTOH13) December 7, 2013
Some is weirdly specific:
— CONFIDENT (@kxdrauhlsteps) December 9, 2013
Lorde's boyfriend looks like my cousin who came to my grandmother's funeral wearing sneakers and a Nike jacket
— ▲ndrew (@henryevil) December 9, 2013
And then some of these kids are just the fucking worst:
lorde can choke on her boyfriend's cock...oh but he doesn't have a cock big enough for that
— stripper (@biebrstruly) December 9, 2013
if lorde and her ching chong boyfriend can get all lovey dovey why cant i pic.twitter.com/XBXfbuZPXA
— Justin Bieber (@avonbrooks) December 6, 2013
Luckily, though, a few valiant teens stepped in to police their own:
STOP SAYING RUDE THINGS ABOUT LORDE AND HER BOYFRIEND HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF A GOOD PERSONALITY BECAUSE YOU OBVIOUSLY DONT HAVE ONE
— julia|THANK YOU LUKE (@liampayneckmole) December 9, 2013
Would everyone shut up about Lorde's boyfriend? 90% of us don't have boyfriends & she has someone that makes her happy. Leave them alone.
— had me at hello (@beautyoflouis) December 9, 2013
Top image via Twitter and Instagram.