Last year, the U.K. launched a new, national sperm bank—but only nine dudes are making deposits.

The Guardian reports that the jizz drought goes back to 2005, when the U.K. changed its sperm donation rules, entitling children to track down their donor bio dads at 18. The number of volunteers dropped sharply. And yet, there are more people seeking sperm than ever before. Hence the creation of a national sperm bank.

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But it’s not as simple as taking anybody off the street who can rub one out while aiming into a cup. Exec Laura Witjens explained that, “If 100 guys enquire, 10 will come through for screenings and maybe one becomes a donor. It takes hundreds of guys.” Plus, getting into the bank seems like a total pain in the ass, requiring constant visits, and you can’t get your rocks off for two whole days before each appointment.

Don’t worry, though. They’ve got a plan:

Laura Witjens, the chief executive, says the sperm bank will launch a drive to recruit new donors later in September, inspired by the success of Denmark’s booming sperm banks which market themselves by appealing to male vanity.

“If I advertised saying ‘Men, prove your worth, show me how good you are’, then I would get hundreds of donors,” she said. “That’s the way the Danish do it. They proudly say, this is the Viking invasion, exports from Denmark are beer, lego and sperm. It’s a source of pride.”

Witjens admitted that their actual campaign will likely be tamer, but suggested it’ll have a “superman” theme. No doubt the sperm will just come pouring in.


Contact the author at kelly@jezebel.com.

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