True Blood: Girlfriend In A Coma

Who knew suffering from severe blood loss could be so fun?

On last night’s episode of True Blood, while unconscious, Sookie visited a magical place, perhaps in the Hollywood Hills, with a grotto not unlike Hugh Hefner’s at the Playboy Mansion, where scantily clad nymph-like Burning Man enthusiasts were having a hippie ren faire rave, and one chick named Claudine encouraged Sooks to drink the glowing Kool-Aid, as Timothy Leary, reclining under a nearby tree, witnessed the frolicking and giggled.

Other moments of note:

• Poor Lorena went out like a Bjork song: A fountain of blood in the shape of a girl.
• Jason Stackhouse in boxers did not, repeat, did not have an erection. (Why am I powerless against his dumb hotness?!?!)
• “I bet you a hundred to one her middle name is meth.”
• “I want to be your girlfriend. And I really want you to taste my biscuits.”
• Sam as a pit bull with big cajones.

• Bill’s starved ravishing of Sookie, which came off as rape. The vampire myth is laden with sexual imagery — all those innocent, white-nightgown-clad women being penetrated in the night — but these days, the ladies (Bella, Sookie) are usually eager and willing to get bit. Unfortunately, in the context of this show, the sympathy for Sookie a viewer has at this point is next to nil. And Bill’s been a weirdo lately. So this supposedly horrifying scene was a yawn.
• “I’m just sweepin’.” “Where’s your broom?” “Good point.”
• Setting fighting dogs loose: Bad idea?
• “Goddammit, Lafayete, I’m in love.” “With the dude in jail?” “No. With his cousin.”
• Jason crying! Sniff!
• “Would you object to me piercing your eyelids?” Thank Lestat we were spared that scene.
• “I’m so happy I could bleed.” Your new ringtone? Audio file here and here!
• Last, but not least: “¡Ay, que lastima!”

Earlier: True Blood: Will You Be My Vampire Bride?
True Blood Heals Heartbreak With A Hot Hunk O’ Werewolf
True Blood: Vampire Sex Is Twisted
True Blood: Big Foot, Nazis, And Tender Moments
True Blood: “Conscience Off, Dick On”