Jezebel: Troop Surge

Does Karl Rove Covet Barack Obama's Beautiful Debutante Wife?

Moe — Tue, 24 Jun 2008 10:30:00 EDT

“Even if you never met him, you know this guy. He’s the guy at the country club with the beautiful date, holding a martini and a cigarette that stands against the wall and makes snide comments about everyone who passes by." That, we're pretty sure you've heard already, is Karl Rove's gimlet eyed character assessment of Barack Obama. And we read some wild things in today's papers, like David Brooks' assertion that the steadfastness and strength of character of Bush and his so-"dubbed" "bad guys" is why we're winning in Iraq, or James Dobson on Barack Obama's secret plan to co-opt the Bible to peddle his fruitcake scheme to kill tiny babies or Don Imus on how he really isn't racist, he just can't stop making sarcastic racist jokes, but whatever; let's get back to the country club. I think we all know what Karl Rove is getting at here: he has the hots for Barack Obama's beautiful, radical, black separatist wife. I mean, duh. In other news, did you know Bill Clinton's speeches were actually more dumbed-down than Bush's? And a very brief history of presidential Dirt Off Shoulder moments since Man In The Arena, with me and Megan, if you jump. More »

Barack Obama Would Rather Be Shooting Dunks And Fathering Illegitimate Children. (Duh!)

Moe — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 10:00:00 EDT

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In a telling interview with the erudite Philadelphia radio program The Angelo Cataldi Show, Barack Obama said he would rather be Dr. J than president. (Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, gave some speech comparing herself to Rocky Balboa while wearing a fuchsia blazer.) Feminist hero Heidi Montag of The Hills announced her endorsement of John McCain, and her on-again boyfriend Spencer Pratt immediately shot back that he didn't think "anyone cares who Heidi Montag votes for." Well shit, Spencer, you know better than anyone that at least as many people care about Heidi's political stances as the fact that John McCain thinks Muqtada al Sadr is the one who came begging for a ceasefire, and that's way more than the number of people who care about the release of some 2003 Bush Administration memo authorizing torture-esque torture strategies, and even that is wayyyy more than the number of people who will sit still long enough to watch Errol Morris' new movie so...where was I? OMG EVILDOERS TRIED TO BLOW UP DISNEYLAND! Glamocracy's Megan and I are soooooo glad they didn't succeed. More »

Barack Obama Steals Away On Sexy Tropical Paradise Island Vacation!

Moe — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 10:00:33 EDT

Barack Obama sure picked the right time to go on a secret vacation with Rihanna! The blind guy is STILL MAKING NEWS. Now it's co(mg)caine. Barack Obama did cocaine in the eighties. Who cares if the blind governor did cocaine in the eighties? Barack Obama probably gave it to him, and Barack Obama didn't have blindness as an excuse for needing false confidence! You know what else made news today? Sex. Not unprotected anal whore sex! Not illicit adultery in the 94th Street Days Inn sex! Not even "erotic sex"! Just sex, as in: it's fun! You should have some. Moving on: what else do we have here...elections in Zimbabwe! Can you spell Zimbabwe without Mugabe? Oh also: Sinbad! Sinbad is still in the news! Sinbad has never enjoyed such high approval ratings! Can we give Sinbad a cabinet position? And then there's some more about the war. Will the number 4,000 detract from the "myth" that the Troop Surge is a huge success? Or, on the contrary, will it remind everyone why we needed the Troop Surge to begin with? No one knows! Also, that part about Barack and Rihanna is totally unsubstantiated. We just don't know very much about the Virgin Islands because we never take vacation. Which is why Glamocracy's Megan and I are here to IM every morning for your commenting pleasure. More »

Deconstructing Angelina Jolie's Inner Neocon

Moe — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 10:00:40 EST

So Lara Croft turns out to be a no-longer-closeted neocon. Now will Brad's red-state mom acknowledge her at the Thanksgiving dinner table? Will Scarlett Johansson compose a dis track for her next album on the perils defining victory downward? And now that terror has struck one of the four Las Vegas ExtendedStay Suites locations, is it safe to assume the Breezewood, Pennsylvania La Quinta Inn is next? How high-profile must the targets of the evildoers get to convince such haters (of America) as Michelle Obama that, hey, maybe it's not just a fear bomb John McCain is hanging over your head but FUTURE OF THE FREE WORLD???? Does any of this make sense? Try the REST of the compelling exchange between me and Megan Carpentier of the blogGlamocracy, after the jump. More »

Angelina Jolie Backs The Troop Surge!?

Moe — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 18:30:53 EST

"As for the question of whether the surge is working, I can only state what I witnessed: U.N. staff and those of non-governmental organizations seem to feel they have the right set of circumstances to attempt to scale up their programs. And when I asked the troops if they wanted to go home as soon as possible, they said that they miss home but feel invested in Iraq." From a thoughtful opinion piece written by...Angelina Jolie? Ummmm, does this mean she's joining her estranged dad in support of McCain? (Oh, and in case you were wondering, that's her with Gen. David Petraeus and some other broad earlier this month in Baghdad, where she supposedly did all the "observing" and "interviewing" she talks about in the column. ) [Washington Post]