Tough Guy Body Builders Can't Get Enough of Those Lactating Tittays

Gains: You know you want them, but you don’t know how to get them. You could, like many bodybuilders, spend hours in a squat cage in between chugging protein supplements. But if you’re savvy and hip to the new “science” you may just want to toss all your whey powder for a couple of drops of what one Michigan mom is selling.

According to multiple sources (including ABC and Medical Daily), chugging breast milk—which is both delightfully sweet and full of TBD microbes!—is becoming popular among fitness buffs who want to get their fats and complex carbohydrates from a natural source. Of course, drinking human breast milk is no more weird than drinking the milk of a cow or a goat, but is it really healthy or is the reason that breast milk is leaking off the shelves just, as one of my co-workers said, because “men will do anything to suck a titty?” (But #notallmen, because I would not do that.)

Here’s how Lisa Charbonneau, a stay-at-home mom with three kids has been advertising her breast milk on Craigslist:

“I have a 5-month-old and have been constantly pumping excess breast milk which I have been storing, and my deep freezer is nearly overloaded. I do not drink, or do drugs, and I take a multi-vitamin daily,” Charbonneau explained on a Craigslist ad, where she has gone in hopes of peddling her excess breast milk.

And Charbonneau is smart: She’s selling her breast milk (which she is just so hampered by) for only $1 an ounce, which is only a fraction of the $2.50 price tag consumers can expect to find on websites such as Only the Breast (totally safe for work click). But bodybuilders into the trend, including Charbonneau’s cousin—don’t tell me it’s not weird that he might be drinking her breast milk—are hesitant to come out and be counted for fear of being labeled as creepy.

From Oddity Central:

Most women who sell their milk say that men who buy the stuff prefer to remain anonymous. “They usually first ask if there’s any more milk available,” said breast milk seller Jennifer Rose. “I just find that very secretive. Even when they call me their numbers are blocked. They just don’t want to be seen or known.”

I wonder if they also use a voice changer. I almost think of them calling and speaking into the phone like that one dude from Marathon Man who keeps asking “is it safe?” but it may not be that awful. Oddity Central reports that the men who do buy the milk use it in conjunction with their protein shakes or make it into yogurt (and you thought vagina yogurt was weird). Some allegedly believe that the milk will not only help them grow bigger, faster, stronger but will also cure conditions such as psoriasis. And if you believe a man who goes only by “Anthony,” breast milk is apparently manna from heaven.

“It gives me incredible energy I don’t get from other food and drinks,” Anthony from Queens told NYMag.com. “I don’t believe in steroids or other energy supplements, none of that garbage. I want natural stuff that’s God-given, and if it’s okay with moms looking to get rid of it, I’ll take it.”

Unfortunately, medical professionals don’t agree on the magical healing powers of the breast for adult men trying to bulk up. The milk is great for infants, according to various sources, but it’s not going to do much for a grown man, except clean out their wallet or give them food poisoning if it isn’t stored correctly. (Also, I think I heard somewhere that breast milk is lumpy, so you should also think about that before shelling out the dough.) (Also, also: Please remember that Charbonneau decided to start selling the milk based on a status her bodybuilding cousin posted on Facebook and thinks that breast milk works wonders because her kid is still alive, so take from that what you will.)