Tom Hiddleston is on the cover of the March issue of GQ alongside the line, “TOM HIDDLESTON IS HERE TO CONQUER AMERICA.” But the thing is, he already conquered America. Last summer. It wasn’t exactly a triumphant moment for him, but it was a major event. He made headlines. He dominated the national conversation (back when we were allowed to be distracted by such things) for at least, oh, 12 hours? You remember. It was when he wore a tank top that said “I <3 T.S.” on it while swimming with T.S. (Taylor Swift) and her friends off the coast of Rhode Island.
We all laughed at the image of a thirtysomething British man (some, including myself, might even call him a “fancy man”) swimming with his younger American pop star girlfriend while wearing a far-too-small tank top on which a childlike profession of love was declared in red and black ink. In short he looked ridiculous, and people thought it was proof that the relationship was fake. (“Of course it was real,” he reveals in the profile.)
But the months went by. The two split up. Taylor started recording new music. Tom won a Golden Globe. And neither of them ever discussed the infamous tank top...until now.
GQ writer Taffy Brodesser-Akner’s profile of Hiddleston (remember when she was dubbed a “mystery brunette” by the tabloids while writing this?) is a thing of beauty, and presents the actor as an overly enthusiastic lover of life. He takes Brodesser-Akner on long walks, reheats his famous bolognese for her to eat, and tells her about movies he loves (Moana, he says, is “incredible.”) This man is Ricky Fitts on uppers. He is Bert the chimney sweep with a job. “The world might not be ready for the kind of earnestness and sincerity that comes along with Tom Hiddleston,” she writes. “I am here to tell you that we would be a much happier race of humans if it were.”