I can’t say I’m surprised that Tom Hardy is the celebrity making headlines this week for chasing down (and ultimately capturing) a young man who stole a moped and then crashed it into a Mercedes in suburban London, because chasing down (and ultimately capturing) a man who stole a moped and then crashed it into a Mercedes in suburban London is one of the most Tom Hardy things I’ve ever heard in my life. The Sun even reports Hardy said something deliciously Hardian (“I caught the cock”) after catching the cock.
A witness described the fast and furious foot chase to The Sun, saying:
“It was mental – like he’d switched to superhero mode in an action movie. Two boys on the nicked moped had jumped a red light and smashed into a car. Tom must have been walking down the road. He went off like a shot in pursuit and looked furious. If the kid had been dumb enough to resist I reckon Tom would have given him a good hiding.”
After being grabbed and patted down by Hardy (which probably would have been thrilling under different circumstances), one witness described the alleged criminal as “wrecked and in shock.”
Said another witness, “I’m a big Tom Hardy fan and there was no mistaking him. He looked as mad as he does on telly.” Both alleged moped thieves were ultimately arrested “on suspicion of theft and taking a vehicle without consent.”
Tom Hardy’s neighbors are so lucky.
Kim Kardashian went to Mexico (with the “Calabasas mom crew”) for her big sister Kourtney’s 38th birthday party and spent the better part of Monday evening giving her Twitter followers a pretty wild “play by play of the trip so far.”
Here are some things we learned:
- Kourtney barfed in her bed “four times” and then went to sleep in it.
- Kourtney is obsessed with doing cartwheels without wearing any clothes.
- Several of Kim’s friends tried (and failed) to spike her food and drinks with weed and alcohol.
- Someone brought a giant inflatable dick.
All of those details are admittedly pretty tame. The real reason I’m telling you about this is so that I can share the excellent tweet Kim used to end her tale. It’s not about debauchery or naked cartwheels. It’s just...this: