Toddlers & Tiaras: The Return Of Makenzie

TLC should just give this girl her own show already. Plus, she wouldn’t get warped by fame like the Gosselins since she already matter-of-factly says stuff like, “I’m four years old and I feel like a superstar.”

Yes, she’s petulant, slightly demonic, and suitable for a horror movie.

But it’s fun to watch her bark orders at fearful adults. What makes Makenzie so appealing is that—Ni-Ni (her pacifier) aside—she has the personality and speech of a middle-aged, washed-up, tired-of-this-shit, sassy roadside diner waitress. Case in point: Her musings on makeup.

And the fact that her mother likens her pacifier addiction to that of adults with cigarettes.

But actually, I think it’s more like adults with crack.

And speaking of waitresses, she’s totally down with them.

It’s rational sentiments like these that justify her fussiness and hissy fits. Usually, when she’s giving her mother, or her coach, or her toys a piece of her mind, it’s because they’re doing annoying things to her, like assailing her with hairspray or whoring her up beyond her whore threshold. (It’s a fine line.) She lets the adults know when she’s had enough of their crap, and monitors the amount of makeup they try to put on her face. During her glitz photo shoot, she was so happy with the results of Delta Burke-style eyeshadow that she became enamored with her own reflection.

When it came time for the outfit chosen for her, she became disgusted.

But can you blame her? They put her in a Rock of Love girls type of shirt. There’s nothing trashier than netted clothing. It’s lewder than nude.

And if you think she’s a terror as a pageant kid, wait until she grows up and becomes a pageant mom.