This is a post about hemorrhoids. Does that gross you out? Because guess what, someday you might have a human being burst through your pussy and you will probably crap all over it in the process, so grow up. Our bodies are gross. This column is about that. But it is also a touching tale of a doctor named Wang, and how he liberated the bowels of the woman he loves. And no it was not written by me, it was written by someone we'll call Poshterior Spice, and you can thank Intern Cheryl for the high art.

The pharmaceutical industry is sort of like women's magazines: staffed by blandly attractive people, determined to make you feel bad about yourself, and brimming with new ways to stop you from being fat! Unlike women's magazines, however, Big Pharma has come up with a few weight loss ideas that actually work, which is why have learned to sit back in consent as it decimates the American health care system. With that in mind, welcome to our first installment of 'Pillhead', in which a real connoisseur reports on this exciting field and tries not to crap her pants in the process.