This Week In Tabloids: Bennifer 2.0 Are Back Together, Thereby Becoming Bennifer 2.5
CelebritiesWelcome to Midweek Madness, where we meet someone at work, find out they love tabloids, are all “Oh yes bitch me too” and then get a text from them the next day that’s like “BITCH LET’S GO TO FLORIDA,” so we drive to Florida and read tabloids by the pool all weekend lmaoooooooo.
This week, Bennifer 2.0 is now Bennifer 2.5, Khloe tells her story, Kate’s pregnant with twins, and there are now two fewer Kardashians to keep up with.
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
OK!
PREGNANT KATE: TWINS!
There actually isn’t a colon in the headline, so it’s really just PREGNANT KATE TWINS! Pregnant Kate Twins! Pregnant Kate Twins! I believe that means Kate Middleton is pregnant with twins—but since I could be misinterpreting, let’s open the magazine and find out. Ah yes, that’s what “PREGNANT KATE TWINS!” means. This “royal shocker” comes “just a few months after welcoming little Charlotte,” but despite the claims on the cover (“PALACE CONFIRMS A BOY & A GIRL”), I didn’t find evidence of that confirmation beyond a source telling OK! “They’d love a boy and a girl” and “they’re all so excited at the prospect of twins.” But! We all know tabloids don’t really exist beyond their covers, so let’s congratulate Kate on her absolutely real and 100% verified pregnancy with twins!
Jenny McCarthy and Donnie Wahlberg are nearly over! I had forgotten they even existed (let alone were married), but am now fully mourning the inevitable death of their love. It was short-lived, sure, but love is love, and theirs is almost dead. Donnie has apparently “walked out” on Jenny because he couldn’t take the “nonstop drama” of their relationship. A source said, “He’s had it with her refusal to act like a mature, responsible adult.” I do hope he reconsiders leaving, because someone once told me divorce causes autism.
And Also:
- Amal Clooney and Cindy Crawford had a huge fight in Cabo because Amal “doesn’t make much of an effort to be interested in” anything but “global politics,” while “Cindy would rather talk about something lighter.”
- Keith Urban is secretly bald.
- Keith Urban’s baldness is no longer a secret.
- Everyone in the new Ghostbusters hates each other.
- Anna Faris is cheap as hell, and controls how Chris Pratt spends their money.
Grade: D+ (Amal Clooney yells at you for not being able to find Burkina Faso on a map.)
People
MY OWN STORY
I decided to get fancy today and spend an extra $1.50 of Jezebel’s money to buy People instead of Life & Style because of their EXCLUSIVE interview with Khloe Kardashian in which she talks about the state of her relationship with Lamar. So, apparently what happened was that Khloe posed for photos for People on October 13 and “spoke candidly about life, love and her doomed marriage to Lamar Odom.” Then, “two hours later,” she received news of his hospitalization.