This Thong Literally Gets Up In There and Polishes Your Pearl [NSFW]

Does your underwear just lie there, passive, doing almost nothing for you? Maybe you need a Bracli pearl thong. Unlike your vanilla cotton panties, this thing has a job, and that job is to rub you the right way.

Pearl thongs — underwear in which the back string is actually a strand of pearls — are not new; Richard bought Samantha one on Sex And The City. But the Bracli thong has pearls in the front. Yes. The front. Your front. The pearls are designed to get right up in there where the sun don’t shine, and nestle up against the clitoris. Putting the intimate in intimate apparel. Buy me a drink first, amirite?

Laura at The Lingerie Addict has, obviously, seen lots of different underthings, yet she was fairly shocked by the Bracli thong. She writes:

Thongs, which not too long ago were considered scandalous, have become commonplace–even desexualized to the point of being classified as an outfit “solution” to prevent VPL. But this image of a string dividing a lady’s front? It seemed TOO sexy, and so unexpected I couldn’t look away.

Um… yeah. Understandable. Because a mere scrap of lace held together by pearls doesn’t even seem like underwear. It seems like a sex toy. Bracli pearl thongs start at about $75; these are not plastic beads. They’re actual pearls from Mallorca, Spain, sewn to Spanish-made lace. The company describes the product as “intimate clothing with the subtle stimulation of the most sensitive parts of a woman’s body.” The name Bracli is actually from two Spanish words: BRAga and CLItoris (underwear and clitoris). Make no mistake: You’re supposed to feel something you don’t necessarily feel with regular undies. This underwear literally fucks with you. Just imagine shifting in your chair during a business meeting.

As Laura tried on the Bracli body pearl chemise, she was filled with anticipation.

The glossy scented black box hinted at sensual delights contained inside, and beckoned irresistibly for me to open it and try it on immediately. I can’t remember the last time I was so excited to try on lingerie. I felt like I was entering mini-outer space, thrilled to be experimenting in a new realm and maybe a little nervous about the physical sensation that might accompany it. Even in my fugly home glasses and linty socks, I felt totally transformed.

I think the most important job of lingerie is to make its wearer FEEL sexy, followed secondarily by helping her look sexy. Bracli is incredible because not only does the novelty of it delight its wearer into imagining herself differently in it, but also, physically, Bracli thongs do not let her forget she’s wearing it. Some thongs are sexy; Bracli is sex.

If one glistening pearl necklace is not enough for you, don’t worry: Bracli also makes double-strand thongs. Double your pleasure, double your fun. No judgments.

Hey, if you’re buying lingerie for yourself, you might as well, you know, really get something out of it.

And. If you don’t find any of this shocking, eye-opening or titilating, well, I have three words for you: Bracli for men.