Hey, romantically inclined ladies and gents! Were you planning on cozying up with a box of chocolate and The Notebook this Valentine's Day? Not anymore, because here is a 10-minute video completely destroying the movie with a thousand tiny cuts. Maybe do House of Cards instead?

Via UpRoxx, CinemaSins' Mystery Science Theatre 3000 take outlines everything wrong with the movie, from minor continuity errors (who pulled that crashed car out of the fence???) to general WTFery (all those birds are a bit much, really).

I find this very satisfying, as I am still angry that this movie emotionally manipulated me into sobbing at the end. Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams couldn't drag us over the finish line so here are your actual grandparents James Garner and Gena Rowlands dying in each other's arms after a long, happy life together. FUCK YOU, NICHOLAS SPARKS.