Recently, a bunch of proud beardos gathered in Austria for the World Beard and Mustache Competition. Naturally news crews were there to capture their facial hair in all its unnecessary glory—among them, the Associated Press, which produced this weirdly mesmerizing raw video.

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It’s strangely enthralling all by itself. But what it really needs is musical accompaniment. Mute the ambient noise and pair the footage with something more fitting. For instance, Peter and the Wolf.

Or keep it to classical and go “Waltz of the Flowers.”

There’s always that classic ’90s boyband sound.

Pair those Depression-era beards with some Depression-era tunes.

Or you could just go simple and classic, i.e. Metallica. Choose your own adventure, friends.


Contact the author at kelly@jezebel.com.