"Cut, color, cure, consistency: These are the four factors of the Oscar Mayer original strip. When it's time for the ultimate expression of love, say it on a plate." Get rid of just a few words in that copy and you're basically listening to someone try to shill you some shiny rocks. But no, it's Oscar Mayer (via some ad men) and they're trying to sell us their bacon and we are buying it.

Not only do they want you to buy bacon, but Oscar Mayer is selling some special Father's Day gifts for a limited time only (they're sold out for Wednesday, sorry kids, better bookmark that page).

-"The Commander": a steel money clip engraved with the words "Bringin' it Home"

- "The Matador": a pair of bacon-shaped cufflinks

- "The Woodsman": a swiss army knife with a bacon strip carved into the handle.

Each of these come with a pack of bacon and "a personal expression of your passion on elegant cardstock." To be convinced, go to the aptly named sayitwithbacon.com, where you can send one of these cards for free:

This Hilarious Bacon Commercial Perfectly Spoofs Stupid Diamond Ads

This ad campaign is so convincing that because I saw it when it played before this pretty funny video by The Onion, I thought it was an Onion parody ad at first, which might be the best compliment you can give a company in our modern timez. Catch 'em all while you can, especially "The Matador" which will "slay his smoky desires and keep him in your arms forever."