These Pregnancy Photos Are So Awkward They'll Make Your Water Break

Pregnancy photos, like wedding photos, prom pictures and those awesome shots that you and friends took at the mall in high school can (and this is the operative word) be awesome*. But they can also be as awkward as wearing a leather vest in the sixth grade and thinking it looks awesome. That is to say, painfully, painfully awkward.

Sad and Useless (which is both a website and my mother's pet name for me) has put together a compendium of some of the best, most awkward pregnancy photos known to man (from the website Awkward Family Photos) and the results are stunning. Bustiers and lingerie are one thing, but it's when you start bringing blown-up condoms, pistols and just the saddest expressions in the world into these photographic works of art that the magic really happens.

For instance, take this classically composed photo that's a tribute to both the great outdoors and also a handy reminder to duck and cover if there's an earthquake. Also if The Blair Witch shows up. Actually, a Blair Witch themed photoshoot sounds pretty good. Also: Welcome to Pawnee, where the latest fashions come from a 1992-era ClothesTimes.

These Pregnancy Photos Are So Awkward They'll Make Your Water Break

A delightful diptych of WTF if I have ever seen one. To the left, cave people who have just discovered fire, eyeliner and Bernadette Peters' style from Slaves of New York. On the right, some kind of frightening sausage link monster you do not want for breakfast or any other meal. (I get that it's supposed to be a reindeer but this is just an example of what a mistake themed photos are. I once had this amazing idea of christmas cards featuring me and the Auroa Borealis. I purchased 50 and sent 5. Only to people I had to.)

These Pregnancy Photos Are So Awkward They'll Make Your Water Break

WHY? Is the person on the right pooping? Is the family on the left passive-aggressively showing off their disappointment that they're going to have another child? The kid you already have is adorable! He knows how to spell baby!

These Pregnancy Photos Are So Awkward They'll Make Your Water Break

Shhh, no more words. Just fruit and guns.

These Pregnancy Photos Are So Awkward They'll Make Your Water Break

You can view the whole collection here, but don't say I didn't warn you. The condom picture is in there.

*Thing I did. I also had a denim vest.

Images via Awkward Family Photos