FOX News's resident giant-thumb-with-a-face Dr. Keith Ablow went on Fox & Friends this morning to deliver some grave news about the consequences of giving basic civil rights and protections to LGBTQ people. Next stop—his actual words—THREE HUMANS AND A DOG MARRIAGE.
During a Fox & Friends "Normal or Nuts" segment, host Anna Kooiman asked Ablow if it was "normal" for California Gov. Jerry Brown (D) to sign a law replacing the words "husband" and "wife" with the word "spouse" in the state's marriage definition.
"Get ready for the cards and letters," Ablow quipped. "Nuts!"
"Here's the thing, the state needs to get out of the marriage business because here's what we can expect," he continued. "There's no way that the state of California can deny a marriage license to four spouses now, eight spouses."
"Or, I would say, three human spouses and the canine they absolutely love because if love is the foundation of marriage, they can love their dog, too."
HERE'S THE THING, DR. KEITH ABLOW.
You know why I don't sit around worrying about "three humans and a dog marriage"?
BECAUSE LITERALLY NO ONE HAS EVER REQUESTED A THREE HUMANS AND A DOG MARRIAGE.
What people have requested is for an adult person to be allowed to marry an adult person—any adult person—which is actually really fucking simple, you disingenuous, bleating foreskin in a suit.