Specifically, the former president of the North Pole Chamber of Commerce, whose legal name really and truly is “Santa Claus.”

The Fairbanks Daily News-Miner (h/t AP) reports on the political goings-on in the tiny town. You see, apparently nobody filed to run for the two available spots, and so Claus has put himself forward as one of two write-in candidates. And frankly, it is an outrage that he is planning to march all his elves down to their local polling place—in winter, in their tiny little slippers with turned-up toes—and demand that they write his name in, or else they’ve got to go work for the Easter Bunny, and we all know his benefits situation is just awful. It’s like, wasn’t licensing out your brand for “Santa Con” bad enough? You have to control the entire town, like some sort of tinseled mafioso? It’s appalling, and as a nation we shouldn’t stand for this sort of Christmasy corruption in our small towns.


Contact the author at kelly@jezebel.com.

Photo via AP Images.