Whether it's lice, bedbugs, or tapeworm, parasites come in all shapes and sizes, and pretty much all of them make me want to douse myself in Raid and jump out my fourth story window. But now, scientists have provided an in-depth analysis of an even smaller type of tenant of the human body: a mite that resides in the hair follicles on your face, where they eat, sleep, and fuck.

While researcher have studied the pore-dwelling mites, a new study delves into two species of Demodex mites, D. brevis and D. folliculorum (which is supposed to be responsible for Rosacea). The first thing you should know about these mites is that all adults have them. Me. You. Everyone. The researchers have no concrete explanations as to why all adults have then while not all children do, but they believe that the mites may be passed from mother to infant during breastfeeding. Second, humans host two very different species of face-sexing mites, which while fascinating for scientists as they could be a model for co-evolution, makes me want to rip my face off. THERE'S TWO KINDS?!

Researcher at North Carolina State University and co-author of the study Megan Thoemmes spoke with NPR, saying:

"The first time I found one on my face I didn't sleep for four nights. They're actually pretty cute. With their eight little legs, they look like they're almost swimming through the oil. It's like having friends with you all the time. Realizing that everyone has them and they're likely not causing any problems, it's pretty reassuring."

Yes. Friends. In your face. Basking in your sweet natural oils. Did I mention they are fucking? Okay okay, I am. Researchers believe these mites have been living and fucking in human faces since "early humans walked out of Africa and found their way across the globe" and nothing serious has come as a result of them. And interestingly enough, the mites of East Asians are different from those of Europeans. Naturally these researchers are pretty stoked that the mites may be able to provide some insight into human evolution.

Yes yes, very exciting. Now if you would excuse me, I'm going to exfoliate my face with a cheese grater.

Image via Shutterstock.