Sharon Stone is going on vacation soon; because we live in a world in which it's a normalized and purportedly acceptable thing that tabloids print photos of Imperfect Butts and mock them, she anticipates that happening to her. Fortunately, she doesn't care.
"I haven't worked out in a couple of months because I just didn't feel like it," she told E! News. "But now I'm going on vacation and I know what they're going to do — [the tabloids] are going to put a circle around my ass and do one of those crazy magnified pictures saying, 'What happened to her ass? It's a bag of cheese.'" Ok, assuming that the butt-insult will come in the form of figurative language is giving the tabloids a bit too much credit, but point taken.
She went on: "I would just like to say it's a fine triple crème brie!" YES. And then: "Right when they zoom in I should have a tattoo on my ass that says, 'You wish you could get a bite of this.'" Beautiful. Perfect. Amazing ass-tattoo concept. [ABC News, E!]
For Sofia Vergara's birthday, she got the universe this present: a photo of herself and Joe Manganiello making physical contact with one another in front of some balloons.
They are so attractive. [ABC]
In other birthday news, Kaley Cuoco threw her husband a surprise party and hired FAKE (??) MERMAIDS to hang out in the pool. In addition, the caterer served little bags of Fritos filled with chili. If someone surprised me with mermaids and Frito bags filled with chili, I would break down and start sobbing. [People]
- Here are some photos of Taylor Swift walking around in shorts; in one series, she is looking like a damn angel with Karlie Kloss, and in the other she is looking like a damn angel with her cats in a cat carrier. [ONTD]
- Prince Harry cackled mirthfully while playing cricket, a sport that Americans still do not like. [E!]
- Kim Kardashian is "so excited" that her iPhone game is so succssful. Same. [E!]
- "Pregnant Mila Kunis Dresses Baby Bump in Blue." Also, you know, the rest of her torso. [E!]
- Cameron Diaz says the thought of having sex with Drew Barrymore makes her want to "vomit in [her] mouth" because it would be like "having sex with [her] sister." She adds "I wouldn't even ménage with her!" The best part of being famous, I think, is that you can casually say "ménage" and no one is allowed to make fun of you. [Gossip Cop]
- Kristin Cavallari posted the first picture of her second son, whose name is Jaxon. There is wisdom in his eyes. [MTV]
- Hodor from Game of Thrones is going on a Game of Thrones-themed DJ tour. If I don't hear a dubstep remix of The Rains of Castamere within the next 15 minutes my entire life will have been in vain. [MTV]
- Bachelor Juan Pablo was spotted canoodling with someone known as "MILF Mom" ("who fought Tan Mom on Howard Stern's show" :( ) at DJ Pauly D's DJ set in Atlantic City. The theme of the party, presumably, was "actual hell." [TMZ]
- At Christina Aguilera's baby shower, there was reportedly a cake " decorated with a figure of a woman giving birth on a rug atop a hardwood floor, the baby's head (complete with a full head of hair) poking out from whence it came" that read, "Push Xtina, push." It's a violation of my constitutional right to the pursuit of happiness that there is no photo of this cake. [E!]
- Jessica Simpson goes by Jessica Johnson now. [Us]
Images via Getty/Instagram.