Screenshot via Bravo.

Usually I like to enjoy a nice half a bottle of wine with my Real Housewives programming but it’s getting to the point with Orange County that I can only watch their antics in stone sobriety in order to fully grasp the shamelessness at hand.

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Monday night’s episode wrapped up the Ireland trip which has been confusing and pretty horrifying from the very get-go. We revisit the women on the bus ride from hell as they head to the airport to fly back home. One important thing to note is that this seems to take place on the exact same night that all the women went out to a bar after the dinner where they guzzled down glasses of tequila. Meaning: I think everyone is pretty drunk.

As I’ve said, I find it difficult to feel bad for Kelly Dodd but last night was the closest I got. The women were unfairly ganging up on her, but Kelly also says the most flagrant shit when she’s angry so I’m never surprised with the backlash she receives.

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Kelly’s moment of totally crossing the line yet again came in the form of screaming to the bus that Vicki told her David “beat the shit out of” Shannon.

What Kelly is probably referring to are these reports of David Beador being charged with assault and “battery against a cohabitant” in 2003. Now, to be fair, clearly this information is available on the internet, but announcing it on TV is going to garner much more attention and who knows what else Shannon did or did not tell Vicki about the incident.

For her part, Vicki acted like the deeply immature, narcissistic lunatic that she is. Kelly also broadcasts that Vicki told her Tamra’s husband Eddie is gay and cheats on her.

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As a defense, Vicki explains how she told a woman she’d know for six weeks someone else’s deep, dark secret and never expected Kelly to say anything because apparently Vicki has forgotten she’s been on a reality television show for the last decade of her life.

Again, there are usually certain lines the Housewives won’t cross and I’m guessing Shannon assumed this was one of them. The moment does recall one of the most explosive scenes in Real Housewives history, when Camille Grammer famously revealed Russell Armstrong’s abuse of his wife Taylor, which had largely been kept off camera until then.

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I think the difference, however, between Camille’s bombshell and this is that Camille seemed genuinely worried about her friend that she couldn’t stand to dance around such a serious subject any longer. Vicki and Kelly, on the other hand, were just gossiping about domestic violence.

As all the women reeled from Kelly’s accusations, we again witnessed Heather Dubrow’s fatal flaw: her unflinching obsession with paying the moral authority of the group. I mean, sure, Heather, you are the richest, but you can’t really order a grown woman to shut up by waving your finger and putting on your “serious voice.”

Meghan, smartly, kept her mouth shut the entire time, claiming she couldn’t defend Kelly because she honestly didn’t know what they were all talking about. Plus, she’s pregnant and has an enormous candle store to run.

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Last night also proved the only two good people on this show are Eddie and Vicki’s daughter Brianna. Poor Brianna tried to reason with her mother and also remind her that she helped her boyfriend lie about having cancer so maybe back up with the outrage.

Then there was Eddie, who brushed off the rumors the way an emotionally stable person would and jubilantly supported his wife when she won what might have a been a rigged fitness competition.

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In conclusion, Vicki and Kelly deserve each other, Shannon should probably get a divorce, Meghan deserves a spa weekend, Heather needs to go worry about her actual children and Tamra should go eat some goddamn pizza already.