On Wednesday, the New York Times style section released a list of the 10 biggest power couples on social media. Included are Kim and Kanye, Bill and Melinda Gates, and Lena Dunham and that pair of glasses she's dating — which, yeah, sure, is all well and good, but only if you're okay with things that are completely WRONG.
Naturally, it falls on us to set the record straight. Here at Gawker Media, we don't just give you the easy answers and palatable choices. We give you the TRUTH, no matter how unpretty or possibly made up it is.
Here's the REAL list of social media's most influential power couples, only (DISCLAIMER) I'm only listing 5 power couples instead of 10, but not because I'm lazy — it's just because I only wanted to list 5 and that is my right as an American.
1. Thought Catalog and Gavin McInnes
WHO THEY ARE A website aimed at millennials who do not pay their own bills; an old decaying tooth that's somehow grown a beard.
SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY McInnes and Thought Catalog come together on fun little articles like "Hey, Ladies! Short Hair Is Rape," "No, Short Hair Is Not Literally Rape, You Fucking Idiots!" and "Transphobia Is Perfectly Natural." People then share the articles en masse on Twitter and Facebook, mostly because they're just so fun. The collaboration is realized through a delicate balancing act that involves McInnes screaming racial epithets into his own butthole and a Thought Catalog editor retrieving those words several days later.
2. Patton Oswalt and Salon
WHO THEY ARE Popular comedian; popular website
SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY: Patton Oswalt and Salon act like they hate each other, but it's just a ruse to hide how much they LOVE each other. They are the Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy of the internet era. Think of it like a sexually charged dance at a ball, only with klout scores and shit.
3. Twitter celebrities and the fans who reply "QUEEN"
WHO THEY ARE Famous people; not famous people
SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY
— Katy Perry (@HolyKatyPerry) August 15, 2014
@rihanna Queen 😍😍
— ✨Me$$✨ (@duran2394) August 14, 2014
— cesar (@IarrystyIinson) August 15, 2014
4. Madeleine Davies and Callie Beusman
WHO THEY ARE 2 angels/Jezebel.com writers
SOCIAL MEDIA STRATEGY It's weird to put yourself on a list like this, but credit where credit's due: Our Kinja game is both elegant and on point.
— Madeleine Davies (@madeleine_rae) August 13, 2014
We also both know a lot about One Direction so GIVE US THE KEYS TO THE INTERNET.
5. The Illuminati
Images via Getty and Katie J.M. Baker.