This season of the Real Housewives of New York reminds me that these women are basically me and my friends back in college but with more money and a camera crew. Instead of hitting up Urban Outfitters before a big night out, they go to Dior. Instead of knocking back Popov, they’re drinking Belvedere. Other than that we are the same, and we are a mess.

Wednesday night’s episode was a truly impressive display of deranged behavior on the part of almost every person on the show. LET’S GET TO THE JUICY JUICE.

It was clear from the trailer that the relationship between the women and Dorinda’s awful boyfriend John Mahdessian would make up a hefty part of the season’s story lines. Let’s review a few things.

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One, John is not great. It’s not that he lives in Queens and is always sweaty, it’s that he is thirsty and brutish and doesn’t know how to mind his own business. When we first met Dorinda, I expected her to be the Yolanda of New York. She was classy and smart and seemed above the fray. However, her choice in partner is baffling to the point that I have to believe there’s something deeper behind her decision to be with him. Or, that Dorinda did a good job hiding this other side of herself.

The second thing to remember is that most, if not everyone involved in the chaos of last night was probably wasted.

The commotion began when Luann was confronted by an insane ex-boyfriend named Rey who was definitely not high and definitely dates women and currently has a girlfriend. Definitely.

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Rey starts badgering Luann and asking for a kiss and the Countess smartly bounces from that crowded-ass party as a result. The greatest thing about that exchange is that Bravo, for some reason, didn’t have footage of their conversation so they just aired the sound on its own over blurry footage of the party which, THANK GOD.

Soon after she leaves, Sonja and Ramona strike up a conversation with Rey. Now, again, everyone seems intoxicated, so I found this conversation rather innocuous. They were looking to gossip which Sonja WILL probably run back and relay to Luann while Ramona will sit on it and wait for the right moment to throw something ugly in Luann’s face.

John sees the three of them chatting and comes barging over trying to kick Rey out of the party. I suppose the intention was fine because he did just watch this dude upset Luann, but drunk people are not good at evaluating and policing the behavior of other drunk people. He should have let it go and and gone off and loosened one of those buttons on that tacky double breasted jacket of his, particularly because Ramona and Sonja didn’t seem seriously threatened other than by Rey’s martini breath.

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But, again, John is a brute who is desperate for the limelight and takes every opportunity he can to insert himself into drama. That is the real problem here. The other problem is that Dorinda doesn’t know how to manage him in public.

John completely pops off and starts jabbing his ham hands in Ramona’s face which is insane. I’m probably more of a Ramona apologist than most, but John truly was the one to escalate things. Ramona has acted this way before but usually she goes against people who have the good sense to try to placate her in the moment and just back the hell away from the crazy train. John does not have that sense.

What’s interesting about Dorinda and John is that she will silently watch his bad behavior, careful not to call him out in front of others, and wait until later to chew him out. The issue is that it makes her look like she doesn’t care about her friends or the fact that her big, annoying boyfriend is attacking them.

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I can, of course, understand standing by your man and not wanting to get involved, but there was a way she could have stepped in, had John’s back and had her friends back, but just dealt with them both later. But, again, alcohol.

The idiocy continues outside with Dorinda delivering one of her mesmerizing, slurring, lispy rants. It is because of that exact unhinged behavior that even in situations where Ramona or someone else may be in the wrong, Dorinda is the one who comes out looking an ass.

I’m not sure if last night’s fight broke the top 10 for my favorite Real Housewives fights but it’s certainly in the top 20 and gets bonus points for the presence of Rey, who will go down as one of the biggest enigmas we’ve ever witnessed on Bravo Television.

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It seems like Dorinda and Romana will spend the rest of the season riding this horrible, alcohol-soaked carousal of loving and hating each other based on how much either of them hates John in any given moment. Meaning: this will continue to be amazing.