The 'Perfect Female Celeb' Is Perfectly Gross

It's a Tuesday morning and the sun is shining so the time seems right to reduce women's presence in this world to a single body part or feature.

E! Online polled their readers looking for the "perfect" female celebrity body parts and then glued them together into one unlucky lady, I assume so all these women could get to work on improving the other 90% of their bodies.

Best Hair went to Carrie Underwood, which I'm side-eying because it's hair and I doubt she does it herself. Rihanna's abs—underboob tattoo and all—sit under Sofia Vergara's boobs and the whole shebang is supported by the toned gams of #1 leg haver Blake Lively. This woman kind of reminds me of those Tyson chickens from Food Inc whose proportions are so out of whack that they topple over every time they try to walk.

The 'Perfect Female Celeb' Is Perfectly Gross

Why do we keep doing this—this splicing up and putting back together of women's bodies? What is the takeaway here? If only Rihanna got a boob job and Blake Lively did a few more sit-ups they'd each be the perfect woman? All we end up with is a Frankenbarbie who looks neither real nor particularly beautiful, with an aesthetic that is completely unachievable.

But alas, Frankenbarbie is nothing more than a ploy to promote the upcoming E! series Botched, which stars Real Housewives husbands Dr. Terry Dubrow and Dr. Paul Nassif as they attempt to repair bad plastic surgery procedures. Hats off to whoever came up with that hilariously rude title, because now all of the show's participates get to tell their friends: "Tune in to E! tonight! I'm on that new show Botched."

So maybe that's the message. Here you go ladies, this is the perfect female body. Do what you can, even go under the knife to try to emulate this "ideal." And when your impossible quest for perfection fails, we can just try again with more surgery.

Image via E!