Screenshot via Nerve/Lionsgate.

Dares are a great way to prove to yourself and others that you are fun and life isn’t a meaningless slog.

Someone at another Gizmodo Media Group website reportedly dared her college roommate to shit on the vice president’s lawn. When I was 12 at summer camp I took my t-shirt off on a log flume. I recently accepted another similarly dumb dare/challenge that you’ll read about in the next few days. Simply put, life is a series of small humiliations interspersed by more intentional, bigger humiliations.

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But before we get to that, let’s talk the grossest shit we’ve ever seen in a bathroom.

Last week, JennyGeils8675309 told us about the markings of a desperate ghost:

In a KFC bathroom, at around 8 or 9 in the evening circa 1992, I entered a men’s room out of sheer bladder desperation because the women’s room was out of order. I opened the door and after recovering from the stench that flew out of the newly cracked door like sins from Pandora’s Box, I saw the the phrase “Why?” and “Gloria” smeared on the wall with shit. I backed out, collected myself and went outside to pee in the bushes at the park across the street like a proper lady.

Jennifart didn’t see something disturbing as much as someone witnessed her doing something that would probably be disturbing for them:

I went grocery shopping with one of my best friends once. I had to pee, we pushed our carts to the bathroom and she stayed out with our carts as I went into my stall. I heard the door open again and looked at the feet in the stall next to mine. It was my best friend’s feet. I decided we should play footsie, because that’s not an invasion of privacy or weird at all.

I slid my foot under the stall and rubbed against her foot. The feet pulled away. I reached further. At this point, she had turned herself enough that her feet were out of reach of mine, no longer closer to the partition between us but toward the other side of the bowl/stall. What a poor sport. “MCC?” (initials to protect the innocent). No answer. A cough. “MCC?” Nothing but the sound of the TP roll being spun. “Hey. M?” A sigh.

I was washing my hands and looked in the mirror to see someone I never met before emerging from the stall.

“Please don’t ever do that again to anyone.”

So fucking embarrassing.

So, I pick my best friend’s foot twin. Quite disturbing.

SnoopKittyCat told a story that might be made up but is so foul I’ll include it anyway:

I was 17 (18 maybe?) years young working at a Starbucks when we were visited by a couple we soon came to know as the Mocha Frap Couple. Their MO was as follows: order a Venti Mocha Frap, proceed to the restroom while the drink is being made, smear handfuls of human feces they had brought with them in a plastic market bag all over our restroom walls, exit restroom, pick up Frappuccino from the bar, find a table on the patio outside and proceed with date. THEY DID THIS MULTIPLE TIMES. ALWAYS ON A FRIDAY OR SATURDAY DATE NIGHT. Sometimes the date was complete with a chess set they carried along. The very first time was the worst. When we promptly kicked their crazy asses out of our store, they called our customer service line and complained about harassment, and received a $10 gift card for the inconvenience. Which they used on their next date night, and so on the cycle continued of order frap/smear shit/have date until I quit and I’m not sure what happened to them. I sincerely hope it involves cleaning up a never-ending pile of human shit for minimum wage + tips.

And Supernova: Bullshit Jedi told us about how she saw an abandoned Sims character:

Honestly the timing of this isn’t just spooky.

On Tuesday September 27th in the Year of Our Lord 2016 I Supernova, of sound mind witnessed a baby, a human infant not yet able to sit up or rollover on the bathroom floor, inside a stall at my work. The woman with the baby was apparently using the facilities and, based on the iPhones text and swish noise, needed to send an urgent toilet text, so better put this baby on this ladies room floor in a public building while I do that. The baby was just a couple months old and dressed in footy pajamas and was just on the tile floor, no blanket or car seat.

It looked exactly like The Sims, you know when the stove catches fire so they all run to it and scream but the baby’s left on the floor while grandma plays video games? Just like that.

Don’t have a story for this week? Dare yourself to fix that! Cut your bangs really short! Poop in a planter! Live a little!