Image via Bridesmaids/NBC Universal.

A public bathroom is often a rare oasis of privacy for people who are far from home or a Starbucks, or who don’t want to spend $40 on a sit-down lunch—but it is also a danger zone. To pee in a public restroom is to willingly expose your bare butt to a foreign environment, only in that foreign environment you know that everyone else is also showing their bare butts, and also stuff is maybe coming out or going into them. Also, maybe your stall mates needed a few minutes of privacy completely unrelated to butts—that could be true too.

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The point is that literally anything could be lurking in a public bathroom at any given time. One of our staffers described entering a very Los Angeles public bathroom where a woman was coaching her two young children for an audition; another recalled seeing just a bunch of blood. Now it’s time for you to tell us what you’ve found next to a toilet.

But before that, let’s get to the best and most disturbing responses to the last week’s pissing contest about weirdest thing you ever saw that you weren’t supposed to see.

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BusPassTrollop curls up and dies accidentally witnessed an alarming extent of fandom:

Back in my escorting days I went to use the bathroom after a...session(?) & after I washed my face I opened his linen closet in search of a towel of some sort. I found a towel, but I also found a very elaborate shrine to Shelley Long. So. Yeah.

The guy was in his mid-30s.

MatisyahuSerious saw something that is probably a crime:

at a previous job, god, i cannot believe i’m saying this, a coworker asked me to help clean up her home computer because it had run out of space and she had no idea how that could be. since i knew she had a son, i had an inkling of what might be taking up all that space. and while i fully expected to find many large video files of girls doing the things that boys like to watch them do, i did not expect that girl to be his sister, as captured via a camera he had placed in her bedroom.

traumatized gets a mention for this charming little poem:

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“I took a bath, I shaved my legs, I washed every nook and cranny. So you can fuck me anywhere, even in the fanny. Love, Annie.” - letter my mother in law wrote to my father in law, as forever burned into the memory of my then 10-year old husband who discovered it. And later mine.

Libraryanneagain saw something thoroughly weird:

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Once, while visiting an elderly neighbor, she asked me to get her reading glasses from the middle desk drawer. They were there, alongside a clear quart-sized ziploc bag filled (FULLY FILLED) with teeth.

Nope, I did not ask.

And finally, this text from Wallflower that could permanently destroy a relationship, and my own tenuous mental stability:

One time I got this series of texts from my dad:

“How about tomorrow after work I come pick you up, take you back to my boat and fuck your eye balls out”

“Omg don’t read that.”

Happy Friday to us all.