This is the umpteenth year that Barbara Walters, despite having sort-of-but-not-exactly retired, has proclaimed that she has finally, finally pinned down the world’s most fascinating people. Barbara Walters is lying. She has never highlighted the world’s most fascinating people–instead, she has often done quite the opposite. Here are the least fascinating of all her “most fascinating,” ranked from most least fascinating to least-least fascinating.
10. Tom Hanks (1994, 1998)
Fascinating in their year? In 1994, Tom Hanks had just come out with Forrest Gump, which, sorry, is a garbage movie that makes me cry. By 1998, he had thankfully remedied things with You’ve Got Mail. Still, in both years, Hanks never got away from being the ultimate everyman and everymen cannot be fascinating. They are normal and boring and that is good.
Fascinating now? Still normal, still boring (and that is good), the most interesting thing about Tom Hanks is his wife’s musical career and his son’s existence.
9. Jonathan Lee Iverson (1999)
Fascinating in their year? Who is Jonathan Lee Iverson? Why, the first black ringmaster of an American circus.
Fascinating now? Iverson spoke at my high school graduation. I remember none of it except thinking, “This is boring.”
8. Robert Atkins (2002)
Fascinating in their year? The creator of the Atkins diet, Robert Atkins became yet another fraud to revolutionize a nation with his unnecessarily dramatic health theories that overcomplicated the idea that you should probably just eat a lot of vegetables.
Fascinating now? Atkins died in 2003 and his company has struggled financially since. Unfortunately for him, he is not more interesting dead.
7. Teri Hatcher (2005)
Fascinating in their year? In 2005, Teri Hatcher had made a big comeback from her days as Lois Lane to star in Desperate Housewives, which became a television sensation. Nice.
Fascinating now? Since Desperate Housewives went off the air in 2012, Teri Hatcher has been doing… what has Teri Hatcher been doing?
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