Immigration via AP

In a speech Wednesday night, spray tanned blobfish Donald Trump took the stage at a rally in Phoenix and spoke at length about immigration, following a visit to Mexico. Lest you thought any talk of “softening” his immigration policies were actually going to come to true, I have some very bad news for you: they’re not. We’re fucked.


Before Trump took the stage, his old pal Rudy “I’ve Done More For Black People Than You’ll Ever Know” Giuliani warmed up the crowd. Also, he wore a hat. The hat relayed a very confusing message.

“Make Mexico Great Again Also” is a horrible word salad of a slogan that makes literally no sense given the fact that Donald Fucking Trump wants to build a wall on the border and is in fact a crazy person who should not win this election and if he does, well.


As CNN reports, Trump laid out explicitly that there will be “no amnesty” for undocumented immigrants currently living in the U.S., marking the third(?) about face in his immigration policy. Just last week, Trump seemed to express the desire to be more lenient. Clearly that tactic is out the window and the Trump we are all much more familiar with – jingioistic, bloviating, dangerous – is back, baby.

Here is the latest iteration of his immigration policy, straight from the horse’s ass:

“For those here illegally today who are seeking legal status, they will have one route and one route only. To return home and apply for re-entry like everybody else under the rules of the new legal immigration system that I have outlined today.”

While he didn’t say that he’d deport every single undocumented immigrant living in the United States, he made it crystal clear that those immigrants living here under his reign would have no clear path to citizenship. Trump also outlined the need for immigration reform, saying “It’s our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.” Trump also doubled down on the need for “adequate screening” of immigrants’ backgrounds, vowing to stop issuing visas to immigrants from countries that he perceives as a threat to national security. Seeing as Trump has at best a rudimentary understanding of what “national security” means, this is quite worrisome. In order to achieve these questionable goals, he also proposed to triple the amount of Immigration and Customs Enforcement officers — a “Deportation Task Force” whose focus will be on “identifying and quickly removing” the dangerous undocumented immigrants that live in our midst, “evading justice.” You know, just like Hillary Clinton.

As for the vaunted “wall” that Trump intends to build along the border, it will be “beautiful” and “impenetrable” and also paid for by Mexico. ““Mexico will pay for the wall. 100%. They don’t know it yet but they’re going to pay for the wall,” he said, while a crowd of people roared in terrifying approval.



This campaign stop in Phoenix follows Trump’s visit to Mexico, where he spoke to President Enrique Peña Nieto. Apparently the wall was discussed, though the sticky matter of who will actually pay for said wall is still up for discussion. Nieto seems to think otherwise.