The annual Conservative Political Action Conference, which functions kind of like a Gathering of the Juggalos for Rick Santorum superfans, is currently underway in Washington. Also underway? CPAC attendees placing ads for gay casual encounters on Craigslist. Maybe.
CPAC has the dubious distinction of being on the very wrong side of history (and sometimes on the wrong side of reality) when it comes to a host of social issues. One of those social issues is the fight for gay rights, which just today, Oliver North told CPAC attendees was kind of like the fight over slavery (ostensibly, in this analogy, Oliver North represents the slaves and progressive pro-gay rights organizations and people like Edith Windsor represent the Michael Fassbenders). Rick Santorum's butthole-obsessed face spoke for awhile. While there's certainly a vocal and growing contingent within American conservatism that is pro-gay rights, CPAC is one of the last bastions where homophobic talk isn't almost drowned out by boos.
As such, the idea of an attendee of a conservative conference teeming with homophobes also serving as a simmering pot of gay sexual tension is extra delicious for irony appreciators. New York Magazine rounded up a few Craigslist ads that purport to have been written by CPAC attendees looking for some gay sex. Like this one, for example,
Another, which was written by a "college freshman" in town for CPAC (there's some small dicks in the below photoset, but you can barely tell).
Very un-Republican flannel, dude.
Others don't even sound remotely real, but somehow, that doesn't detract at all from this one's greatness.
What an incredible day today was! Christie and Jindal and some great sessions. I am ready to unwind and have some fun. I am looking to make one of my biggest fantasies come true.
Me: Police Uniform
You: Army Uniform
I want you to bring a couple other guys for this fantasy too!
We begin by you storming into my room with the other guys. The other guys will proceed to beat me (paddles, whips, floggers is up to them! or be creative ;-)
After I have been beaten, I want you to threaten my life and tell me that I am going to die for what I did. I got a nerf gun for this fantasy and I want you to blindfold me and place a garbage can next to me.
Here is the most important part...
Shoot the nerf gun at the garbage can and NOT me. I want to feel like you are going to shoot me but at the last moment you do not.
It may seem like a crazy fantasy but we all have our kinks
Afterwards we can hj, bj and a2m
Photos of the type of man I am looking for and of the nerf gun
I mean, fake. But IF ONLY.
In fact, if CPAC is the gay shame bacchanalia that this sex blogger says it is, evidence of rampant homosexual frolicking in the spiritual home of anti-sodomy laws leaves a thin digital trail. Maybe CPAC attendees know better than to post or respond to CPAC themed msm ads out of fear that the poster or responder could very well be a journalist looking for the scoop of a lifetime. Maybe they've developed their own necktie-based hanky-style code. Or maybe gay sex at CPAC isn't happening much at all.
That would be a shame.
Image via AP