When winter temperature rises and Towaco winds blow, when the Gorga women spoil the tomatoes with their moon blood and Juicy Joey is ripe and sweaty enough to pop, when the year of the dog—2006—is upon us, a dæmon shall be brought forth and the world will know her as The Dreaded Milania.

The Dreaded Milania will scream and cackle. She will call strangers “buttholes” and in her eye will live a cruel gleam that says You will cower and I will destroy.

The world has known no monster like the The Dreaded Milania.

The world will crumble in The Dreaded Milania’s hands.

It is The Dreaded Milania’s 10th birthday. Her favorite cake flavor is blood.


Contact the author at madeleine@jezebel.com.

Image via Bravo.