The Distinct Awkwardness Of Trying To Buy Something

The way greeting card companies and department store commercials tell it, women love to shop. We shop til we drop, and then shop some more. Yogurt ain’t good unless it’s shoe-shopping good. Such bullshit. Shopping can be psychological misery.

Recently, Lily Allen — who is opening her own store, which will do alterations — told Elle:

“I feel self-conscious shopping — my size fluctuates so I never know what to gravitate towards. And because I’m famous people are always staring at me.”

But trying to find what you need (or want) in a store is not just awkward for famous people. Have you ever been in a dressing room and tried to get a salesperson to find you another size? Despite the fact that it’s their job, it always feels like you’re asking for a favor. And if the store doesn’t have my size, sometimes I feel like I have done something wrong — dared to demand what I shouldn’t have. Actually, let’s be honest: The fitting room is a minefield, from the inconsistent sizing to the tiny square footage to the mirrors that LIE.

However: The epicenter for awkward shopping experiences has got to be the drug store. That’s where all your personal shit is on display; every product highlights your flaws and imperfections: Heavy flow. Dry skin. Damaged hair. Foot odor. God forbid you have more serious problems, like a cold, yeast infection, or blister in need of bandaging. And don’t think that people aren’t judging you, because they are. Whether you’re throwing cigarettes, plan B and pubic lice eliminator into your basket — or stopping at Whole Foods for whipped cream and bananas — someone is taking note and mocking you. Or maybe I’m paranoid. But I’m buying my next batch of heel-crack cream online.