It's hard to fault someone for getting weirdly gushy over Jennifer Lawrence — mostly because Jennifer Lawrence has a lot of qualities worth gushing over. That said, the Jennifer Lawrence profile in the most recent September issue of Vogue is so ridiculously Vogue-y and over-the-top that even the most hardcore Jennifer Lawrence fans will probably stop and say, "Look, Vogue, we all love Jennifer Lawrence, but you really need to chill out for awhile."
There are some fun parts in the 5,300-word+ article (there's one particularly good anecdote about the time Lawrence asked Jennifer Lopez to dance at a party — Lopez said no), but a lot of space is used up with nonsense comparisons, extreme ass-kissing and the overwritten language of a typical of a Vogue piece — but hey, as the old writer's adage goes, show, don't tell, so here are the 8 Vogue-iest quotes from Jennifer Lawrence's Vogue profile:
Leave it to J.Law to choose the Odeon, a restaurant she plucked from a list because she liked the sound of its name. It opened on a corner in Tribeca long before Lawrence was even born and defined a genre: Execute everything perfectly, but don’t take it all so seriously—an apt description of Lawrence herself. Indeed, Odeon has lasted for 30 years because, while it cares about great service and good food, it is committed above all else to being fun. In fact, I myself had so much early-nineties fun there that when I walked in at 1:00 p.m. on a Friday and sat down, I had a reaction that can only be described as Pavlovian: I ordered a vodka.
2. Here is where the author starts comparing Jennifer Lawrence to Rooney Mara because...no reason.
The actresses playing these characters share similar qualities as well. Both Jennifer Lawrence and Rooney Mara are quirky, unconventional, and immensely talented, bright young stars who were Oscar-nominated right out of the gate. And they both also have a quiet seriousness about them. They feel like indie sirens who could have had perfectly satisfying careers making smaller, more idiosyncratic films. And yet, here they are, shouldering these giant franchises.
Listening to Lawrence get fired up about this, I could not help but think: She will find a cause worth fighting for one day, and it will not be celebrity rights and paparazzi. That just happens to be the injustice that she is experiencing now. She will get used to being famous, or things will calm down, but it is more than clear that there is a hellcat feminist firebrand lurking somewhere inside of her. I would not be the least bit surprised to see her marching on Washington one day, hand in hand with Susan Sarandon and Sean Penn.
The story of how [Lawrence] was discovered—photographed in Union Square in New York City by a model scout when she was visiting the city on spring break at the age of fourteen—has been written about so much that, even though she’s only 23, it has already ossified into myth.
All throughout our lunch at Odeon, the part of Lawrence that never let up was a kind of intense engagement with the world or the person in front of her. You could practically see her brain scanning the room, sifting through the data, and then spitting out something dryly observed, perfectly timed, or oddly profound. (At one point she picked up my RadioShack tape recorder and examined it: “This thing is archaic. Are you going to write this whole thing out longhand, with, like, a pen?”)
Russell was constantly taken aback by her seeming nonchalance. “I remember Bradley Cooper and I saying, ‘Is this kid even paying attention?’ Because she’s goofing around or eating my potato chips or making fart jokes. And then all of a sudden, she comes in, and bam! She’s like a lot of great athletes. You see that they stay loose, and that’s how they can be so in-the-moment while under enormous amounts of pressure. If there’s two minutes left in the game, they can come in and do something extraordinary because their jaw is not getting clenched. Jen stays loose. And then she hits a three-point shot from some ridiculous distance and we all just look at each other and go, ‘Wow.’ ”
Justine says, “What did you guys talk about for four hours?” I mention that one of the things we discussed is how odd it is that the press makes such a big deal over how “refreshingly unfiltered” her friend is, just because she has opinions and is funny.
And therein lies the biggest surprise about Jennifer Lawrence: She has the soul of a comedian and can riff on just about anything that crosses her path. She did a 20-minute monologue about sponges.
Aw, Vogue. Aw, Jennifer Lawrence. Never change, you guys.