The 10 Most Batshit Crazy Celebrity-Themed Gifts to Give This Year

Oh fans. You love you some bizarre stuff emblazoned with the face or likeness of your celebrity obsession of choice, don’t you?

To celebrate you and your inexplicable lack of boundaries for people who are in television shows and movies that you like, I’ve come up with this list to help pick the perfect, borderline creepy gift for you or the slightly irrational celebrity fan in your life.

1. Kate Middleton Candle Snuffer

It’s good to know that when Kate, for all her wonderful life accomplishments, is finally immortalized as a device that literally performs the same task as blowing air from your lips, it’s done by depicting her with a deep, plunging neckline. Because isn’t that how we all will remember her? As one of the unclaimed Kardashian sisters?

2. Dr. Phil Panties

You can get just about anybody you want slapped on the front of your underwear these days, but let’s face, Dr. Phil is clearly the best choice. It’s like he has a face that was born to be on the front of sexy underwear.

3. Mads Mikkelsen “Very Hungry Hannibal” Shirt

Mads Mikkelsen is a very handsome man and a very talented actor. This shirt is the antithesis of all that. You don’t need to show your love for him like this. You just don’t.

4. Justin Bieber Dessert Plates

Oh Helen. Thank you for RSVP’ing to the funeral of my beloved cat, Mr. Murgatroid. He truly was the wind beneath my wings. And thank you so much for offering to bring food. You’re a blessing during this rough time. Yes, please, bring a dessert. We’ll need a pick me up after I read from the diary I kept chronicling his last days in kitty hospice. Oh don’t worry, I have just the right plates for the occasion.

5. Kristen Stewart “Edward Says Goodbye” Bottle Cap Charm Necklace

Emily Post once said a neon bottle cap is the best way to say “our love is an undying ember that will burn into the horizons of a thousands skies, and not something at all made up after a series of emails between the head of development and several publicists.”

6. BBC’s Sherlock – Sherlock Holmes – inspired by Benedict Cumberbatch – Plush OH WTF IS THIS.

Listen. Straight talk here. Y’all need to quit putting this poor boy’s face on all kinds of crazy-ass weird crap. It’s not going to make him like you, OK? This shit is just getting odd. This isn’t a lovingly crafted gift for a fan. This is a voodoo doll on meth. This looks like the thing you glue pieces of someone’s hair on after you fish them out of their trashcan at 3 a.m.

7. David Tennant Earrings

If you like David Tennant as Doctor Who so much, why would you do this to him?

8. Supernatural Jensen Ackles Dean Winchester Protection Amulet

So now, not only can you dreamily fawn over the stars of your favorite television show, you can also ward off the evil powers of Satan. With this “amulet” (why do I feel like this is a word the seller is using loosely?) you will be able to not only prove your love for Jensen Ackles, but also save yourself from embarrassing possessions by unwanted demons and such.

9. Hiddlestoner Tom Hiddleston Avengers Loki Thor Inspired Tie Up Leather Fandom ID Bracelet

You know, I combed through sooooo much Tom Hiddleston related stuff for you to find this. It was a hard, arduous task staring at item after item with his face plastered all over it. But I truly believe, nothing can top a bracelet that affords you the ability to declare yourself to the world as a “HIDDLESTONER.” I am not going to lie to you here. I bought a dozen of these. They complete me.

10. Jesus Fetus With Sacred Heart

Sure, Jesus gets some love on this list! Because who could possibly have more love-crazed, semi-delusional fans, obsessed with every aspect of his life and driven to sheer acts of insanity to prove devotion to him! Like handcrafting this Jesus Fetus Christmas Ornament. To hang on your tree. For all your friends and fellow imbalanced loved ones to admire, as they gather around to talk about the End Times.