Screengrab via She’s the Man/Paramount.

If you’re anything like me, you’ll tell a lie before you even realize you’ve told it. But what happens when they asks to see the receipts? Uh oh—ya burnt!

I personally told a man I was trying to begin permanently dating that I had perfect pitch. I have fine pitch! He said, “Okay, let’s hear it.” I said, “Hahahahaha, you are too much,” and then I blinked seductively. Another Jezebel staffer told her friends she had her period, and moments later, her mother revealed she hadn’t gotten it yet (this was when she was a teen, not in the office). My other co-workers said they “can’t think of any lies,” which means they are big fat liars to begin with and you are too.

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But before we get to that, here are your fellow commenters with the most disgusting medical encounters:

PetesDragon had a teratoma:

I had an ovarian teratoma. It’s a usually benign tumor that can grow to a large size. Mine was about six inches when it was finally removed. This kind of thing, also called a dermoid cyst, is there from birth according to my surgeon. I happened to see the photos from the surgery. Mine had very long hair, teeth, some bone and apparently, neural tissue in it. Nasty, nasty stuff.

Warning, gross images. View at your own peril: [link]

SEG pooped out a worm:

I very recently was in the shower and felt what seemed like, well, poop in between my cheeks. I reached back figuring I’d clean it out and pulled a worm out of my ass. Like a six inch long white worm. I screamed and threw it on the floor and it was wriggling around. My SO came running in looked at it and said “this is great!” I had been having some health issues, especially stomach, and this would explain why.

He picked it up and put it in a Baggie and we headed to the ER. I travel for work a lot to places like Brazil and India and seemed to have contracted roundworm. Apparently the doctors at the hospital don’t see it very often and I was visited by no less than three doctors and a resident who were fascinated by the little guy in the Baggie. We named him Ralph.

I had to have a CT scan to make sure I didn’t have a “ball of worms” in my intestines and had to take a massive dose of meds which would kill them and, as I was informed, I would be pooping out worms for about 2-3 weeks.

That was about a month ago and I am happy to say Ralph and his friends are gone and I feel better than I have in ages (they could have been inside of me for 1-2 years).

Not a specific embarrassing thing from a doctor but an embarrassing situation all around. I kept my sense of humor throughout ordeal because otherwise I’d scream from the grossness of it all.

herbadmother had something sewed someplace:

“I’m so very sorry, but when we were stitching you up Dr. WTF sewed his finger to your labia. It didn’t worsen the tear, but fluids mixed and we do need to do an HIV test. After we re-sew.”(In their defense, it was a fourth degree tear after a precipitous birth and there was a LOT of blood. You can lose track of fingers when there are torrents of blood.)(That said, I still wasn’t very happy about it. YOU SEWED YOUR WHAT TO MY WHAT?)

And this, from larajean23, is not gross, just nuts:

my obgyn once delivered a baby that was HOLDING ONTO THE IUD THAT TRIED TO THWART IT.

Bodies are terrible. Now, tell us how you convince the world you aren’t!