The Story Of Your First Period

Welcome to Pissing Contest, a weekly story sharing circle for the the ass-draggiest time of the afternoon on the ass-draggiest time of the last day between you and the weekend. Every week, we'll ask a question, you'll share stories, and we'll pick a winner that's featured in the next week's post. It's like a pyramid scheme of outdoing each other!

This week, the whole world fell in love again with a viral ad campaign produced by the folks at HelloFlo, who made us all giggle about our own menarches like they'd just happened yesterday.

But unlike the adorable HelloFlo video, most IRL ladies' first periods didn't involve a humiliating party or mail order bleeding uterus starter pack. But most do involve a story.


Before we get to yours, let's take a moment to honor the clear winner of last week's Gross Medical Stories themed pissing contest, Yoga Nerd MD, who demonstrated why it's a terrible idea to play the gross out game with a doctor.

Tame. Blood is nothing.

I birthed a baby out via C-section of a pool of pus from the abdomen of a woman with a ruptured appendix.

I have I&D'd numerous homeless-dude pilonidal duct cysts (otherwise known as "butt puss")

I have worked in anatomy lab on a cadaver that "spoiled" - from fungus.

She ruptured in her third trimester, was not in active labor, but you can't let the baby come to term in a belly full of pus, so C-section. We usually leave abdomens with ruptured appendices closed and place a drain, but this was one time where you have to open it up. You ain't seen nothing till you've seen a newborn covered in blood, shit and neon green pus.

Mom was in the hospital for more than a month thereafter, the baby stayed in the NICU for 2 weeks on IV antibiotics, but both were ok in the long run. Modern medicine baby!

And.... that is where I had to stop reading. Thank you for being a doctor. Jesus Christ.

Now, onto the menarche-stravaganza.