After much teasing on Instagram, Taylor Swift has released a new video to empower her fans — or maybe mock other pop ladies like Miley Cyrus, Lady Gaga and Fergie? You be the judge.

What is clear is that the girl dead set on being America’s Sweetheart picked the wrong week for this sappy, ready-made Target commercial cut where she celebrates her true self by crawling through a bridge of brown and black women’s butts. *surprised Taylor Swift face*

While President Obama was hosting live stream to discuss the protest and gross police conduct in Ferguson, Missouri surrounding the death of Michael Brown, Swift decided to release her new video with her own live stream. This moment was probably comprised of her making that damn “Oh my God you like me!” face over and over and “sharing” a ready-made marketing project dreamt up by her record label with her fans. Problem is this week is rife with crappy real news that is a stark contrast to her simple pop song.

Let’s dig into Swift’s new stab at shaking up her general blandness, which she's so good at.

“I stay out too late, got nothing in my brain, that’s what people say.”

As for the opening line, one co-worker noted, "Who has ever said that Taylor stays out too late?" I’ll add: "Let alone goes anywhere of Lindsay Lohan-fame?" She is literally the milquetoast of the pop charts.

“I go on too many dates, but I can’t make them stay at least that’s what people say.”

This is true, coupled with the fact that she sort of stalked a Kennedy who was younger than her by literally buying a house close to him. If that sounds weird, it’s because it is.

SCENE: Taylor's dressed as a B-boy with break dancers of color killing it all around her while she jumps over a boom box in an attempt to be … street? Cute street? Who knows, but she's definitely succeeding at being annoying.

“But I keep cruising, can’t stop, won’t stop moving. It’s like I got this music in my mind saying it’s gonna be alright.”

Taylor Swift's New Video Is a Cringe-Worthy Mess

SCENE: Swan Lake ballerina who gyrates to prove she’s not meant for this world! Oh girl, you so different.

“But the players gonna play, play, play, play, play and the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Shake it off, shake it off.” 2x

Taylor Swift's New Video Is a Cringe-Worthy Mess

SCENE: Interpretative dancer grey! Here Taylor fails among dancers who are better at pretending to be trees and rivers in human form. She shows that she is bad by throwing her grey dancer scarf into the air and letting it fall on her face. SHE IS JUST LIKE US.

"I never miss a beat, I’m lightning on my feet. And that’s what they don’t see, that’s what they don’t see. I’m dancing on my own. I’ll make the moves up as I go and that’s what they don’t know."

Taylor Swift's New Video Is a Cringe-Worthy Mess


SCENE: Taylor channels Lady Gaga in a severe bob cut blonde wig with futuristic break dancers (again). Surprise, Taylor can’t breakdance (again) but don’t worry, she’s hired plenty of people of color to do it for her! Do not applaud.

“But I keep cruising, can’t stop, won’t stop moving. It’s like I got this music in my mind saying it’s gonna be alright.”

Taylor Swift's New Video Is a Cringe-Worthy Mess

SCENE: Fake Miley Cyrus as she uses the literal lyrics from “Wrecking Ball” to illustrate how original a person she is. Taylor’s wearing cut off jean shorts, an animal print jacket, big gold hoops and jewelry that harken people of color and a CeCe Peniston curly-cue. But this isn’t cultural appropriation right? Maybe objectification is a better word. Because she’s America’s Sweetheart who knows that dressing up in the cultural cues of another ethnic group isn’t cool, right? But paying dancers to twerk so she can gawk at their bodies as other while literally crawling underneath a London Bridge rotating bums is fine? Shouldn't milquetoast know better? Oh wait, she's doing it as a commentary?

“But the players gonna play, play, play, play and the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate. Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake. Shake it off, shake it off.” 2x

SCENE: OMG, we finally reach the point in the video where Taylor is herself, and that self is a 2014 knock-off of Audrey Hepburn! Oh man, this girl is so creative!