Taylor Swift Trademarked 'This Sick Beat™,' Entire™ English™ Language™

Taylor Swift is one of those public figures who, much like Barack Obama or that dweeb Ross on Friends, tends to bring out very extreme opinions in people. To her defenders, I offer this: Taylor seems nice! To her detractors: Yes, you are right! She’s an actual crazy person! Case in point, she’s recently started trademarking the English language, starting with This Sick Beat™.

“This sick beat,” “Party like it’s 1989,” “Nice to meet you. Where you been?,” and several other phrases (all lyrics that appear on her latest album 1989) are now the official property of Taylor Swift and cannot be allowed on any non-Taylor Swift-approved merchandise.

Of course, plenty of other people have used the term “sick beat” in music and on merch well before Taylor Swift did, but they, unfortunately, did not have Swift’s money or chutzpah and therefore cannot own this basic human saying. I would also say that “Party like it’s 1989” is a pretty weird thing to trademark, seeing how it’s just a play on a pre-existing Prince song, but, hey, I just trademarked “When Doves DIE,” so who am I to judge?

In other Taylor Swift acquisition news, the singer/songwriter has recently trademarked friendship with Sam Smith, who will henceforth be mentioned as One of Taylor’s Best Friends™ in all future articles and profiles. In the past 17 seconds, she’s also managed to trademark Madeleine™, Jezebel™, Harry Styles™ (the name), Harry Styles ™ (the man), hello™ (the phrase) and rap music™ (the genre).