Tan Mom's Music Video Is a Retina-Scorching Shitshow

By Anna Breslaw | May 20, 2013 | 1:00pm

Celebrities Dirt Bag

Tuck it away between McGriddles and that guy whose only dream in life is to be a human maxi pad in the Apocalypse Already Happened, We Just Missed It File: I have seen Patricia “Tan Mom” Krentcil’s rap video, and it’s AWFUL, but so awful that it’s basically the 2013 version of “the Entertainment” from Infinite Jest. As in, I’m drooling now, and my butthole is really, really loose, and I’m losing all perspective, and who are these poor gay guys?!

Put on an adult diaper and acquire a solar eclipse viewing box before clicking play. Aaaareyouready. It’zPatricia. You will die in seven days. [TMZ]

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While every journalist on Earth has thrown their hat in the ring, Ann Curry in particular is being urged by NBC execs to snag the first interview with Angelina Jolie since she realeased her double mastectomy news. “Ann would be prominently featured in all of the promotions and publicity if Angelina agreed to do it. [And] Angelina made it known after Ann was demoted from TODAY that the only journalist to interview her from the Peacock network would be Curry.” Curry’s interviewed Jolie frequently in the past. [Radar Online]

Zach Galifianakis’ date to The Hangover 3 premiere is an 87-year-old formerly homeless woman named Mimi Haist, who he befriended in 1994 as a struggling comedian, when she worked at his local laundromat. Two years ago, when he found out she needed a place to live, he bought her an apartment (which his friend Renee Zellweger decorated for Haist, and sometimes still buys her groceries).

He’s taken her to The Hangover 2 premiere and other Hollywood parties, which she gets a kick out of: “It’s fun. Not something I’d ever dreamt I’d experience. I drink lemon drop martinis with Grey Goose vodka.” [NYDN]

Ever dreamed of purchasing Brendan Coyle as your very own personal steadfast, morally-staunch manservant? Buy Mr. Bates for a day from the Origin Theater Company’s annual auction, which he went for at the low price of $20,000 last year. (You don’t really NEED that last year of grad school, do you?) Or you can have tea in the West Village with Mrs. Patmore, if that’s more your jawn. Just remember that if you don’t open the first 2 minutes with a dog ass, it didn’t happen. [Page Six]

Winona Ryder says that, despite rumors to the contrary, she hasn’t had work done:

“I’m not trying to knock it, but, you know, I have a little bit of traffic now on my forehead – which I’m like very proud of actually. When you start out as a kid and then you have these great roles early on and even into your twenties, you’re doing movies like Reality Bites, people want you to stay the same, but then they kind of don’t. People don’t want you to get older, but then it’s like, ‘Why do you look so young?’”

[Radar Online]

Cops ran to Mischa Barton’s house when they got a call about a woman screaming but it was from down the block. [TMZ]
More like Mary J. OBligeED to pay her $3.4 million tax lien (sorry sorry sorry sorryyyyyy). [TMZ]
Cerie from 30 Rock got married. [People]
J’Biebs got booed during an acceptance speech. [Gossip Cop]
Whaaat, Drake’s in Anchorman 2. [Vulture]
A single mom and profesh Kate Middleton impersonator says that the gig has changed her life. [People]
Ohmagaa: this Vine of Miguel jumping directly onto a fan’s neck during his performance at the Billboard Awards last night, on live TV. (She’s OK.) [HuffPo]
Demi Lovato was mad at Joe Jonas when he dumped her but they’re friendz again. [Us Weekly]
Selena Gomez wore this insane gold outfit and blarg blargle blarg. [Us Weekly]
Anna Faris says it’s sexy when Chris Pratt feeds their baby so she can sleep in. [Us Weekly]
Dennis Rodman’s 52nd birthday party tonight will be at a ~~homey, secular Hightstown, New Jersey synagogue~~ strip club with nyotaimori women. [Page Six]
Women at Cannes threw shit at Liam Hemsworth to try to get his attention. Classy! [Page Six]
Ah! Kelly Rowland might join The X Factor. I approve. [NYDN]
A sweet Vimeo of Donald Faison and Cacee Cobb’s wedding because driving on the freeway makes you realize how important love is. [People]
Check out the welcoming body language between Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Philippe at their kid’s sports game. [Us Weekly]
Kanye West’s new album, Yeezus, comes out June 18th. [Rap-Up]
Real Housewife Ramona Singer helped ferret out her friend’s thieving maid, otherwise known as “the Lord’s work.” [Page Six]
Just when you were sure that last item was today’s bougiest, Faye Dunaway for reals said the following: “This is Faye Dunaway, the actress. I need to speak to the prince [of Brunei].” [Page Six]