If you're ever in Taiwan and in the mood for some dick-shaped desserts and plastic company, you'll be happy to know that there's now an eatery that will cater to all of your needs. From penis ice cream ridged with ropey veins, to a blow-up doll that will keep you warm while you eat, this place has everything.

Taiwan's First Sex Restaurant Is All About Education and Eating Dicks

Funny Sex opened earlier this year, and, as you can see from the video above, it's not for the faint of heart. Or at least not for those dining with their parents. Or at least not for people dining with my parents. Not because they'd be upset or anything, but my dad has this awful habit of ordering #69 on the menu regardless of whatever it is and he just has to say "Man, is so funny. I so sorry to be doing this, but I will like #69. Man, I sorry" to the waiter. Anyway...

Jamie Fullerton, a Vice reporter, recently visited the eatery for lunch and what he found inside wasn't so much sexy as it was funny. Sure, you can eat anything you desire in the shape of a phallus or enjoy the delicious taste of seafood soup out of a bowl that is shaped like a pair of voluptuous breasts, but the real star of the show is the decor, which features bathroom signs depicting stick figures doing sex on each other and what appear to be Real Dolls chained to the walls. Fun!

While Fullerton was disappointed that the restaurant didn't feature dongs of every shape and size assaulting one's senses from the wall (like a particularly sexual Iron Maiden) he points out that diners waiting for their bowls of carnal delights can play with a blow-up doll or read educational posters that describe the average penis size of men around the world. You could also get that on the internet, but I think there might be some catharsis in pointing out "Hey, I am normal. I am bigger than average, in fact" to your fellow diners. Fullerton doesn't point out whether the appendages one's foods are shaped like or served in are of average size, but as Mrs. Chen, the restaurant's assistant manager told Fullerton, the purpose of the restaurant is more fun than realism: "We want to make sex something fun," said Chen. "We want to present human genitals to our customers in a really fun way." Which is, of course, on a platter.

The restaurant is doing a brisk business now, but Chen says it took a while to get up and running because people didn't know that the business was a restaurant, at least not with a pair of giant red underpants as a logo. Which is weird, because that's the first thing I would assume. Wouldn't you?