With the race for the Republican nomination growing ever more heated and mangled, it’s time to settle a pressing question: is Ted Cruz, Humanoid Ratigan, Texas senator, and GOP presidential candidate actually the Zodiac killer? A Yahoo News reporter turned to Cruz’s wife, Heidi, to address the matter.
Guys, it turns out that Ted Cruz’s bigoted tendencies are NBD, because the presidential hopeful’s former college roommate and current biffle David Panton, who happens to be a person of color from Jamaica, told The New York Times otherwise. Good to know!
We’ve had one GOP candidate who is a robotic automaton, one candidate who I am pretty sure is the Incredible Hulk, and another one who is “not” the Zodiac Killer like I am “not” looking at a picture of Donald Trump’s grave right now. But lo, here is a picture of Trump’s grave, which leads me to another conclusion:…
In honor of Ted Cruz’s unexpected victory in Oklahoma and his very expected win in Texas, here are the following scenarios in which I would 100 percent vote for Ted Cruz, no questions asked.
Ted Cruz has been declared the projected winner of the state of Texas. Nice consolation prize, bro.
We would never say definitively that presidential candidate and absolute charmer Ted Cruz is the Zodiac Killer. That’s just a silly internet joke, children, one that’s gaining traction this election cycle and is in no way substantiated by Cruz’s cold dead eyes or his evident lack of human feeling. Stare into those…
A woman is claiming that her late father was the Zodiac Killer, and that she accompanied him on two of the murders and wrote one of his letters. Not surprisingly, many Zodiac buffs are skeptical.
Ready for some Earth-shattering news? According to Live Science, Astrology may be inaccurate! It's complicated, but basically, the zodiac signs were originally determined by which constellation the sun was crossing through, or "in," on the day you were born. Of course, that was 2200 years ago, and apparently the Earth