Jezebel: You Wanna Be On Top

Cleveland's Next Top Model: Funny 'Cause It's True

Jessica — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 15:20:00 EDT

As studious followers of the legend of Tyra, we're all aware by now that an appearance on America's Next Top Model is generally a one way ticket to obscurityville. This is precisely why the above ANTM parody, Cleveland's Next Top Model, is so hilarious. Cleveland top model alums have gone on to try out for the Brown's cheerleading squad, work at Walgreens, and spend 8-10 hours at the gym in the hopes of achieving their modeling dreams. Clip at left.

ANTM Alum Toccara: We're Clueless Why She's Shoeless

Dodai — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 15:10:00 EDT

[LAX, June 15. Image via Bauer-Griffin.]

Tyra Banks Wants Us To Feel Better About Ourselves So She Can Feel Better About Cashing In On It

Slut Machine — Thu, 29 May 2008 18:00:00 EDT

"I think I was put on this earth to instill self-esteem in young girls," Tyra Banks tells Lynn Hirschberg, who wrote this Sunday's New York Times Magazine cover story on the model turned mogul. And that's what she's been telling the rest of us for the past five years since ANTM debuted. Throughout the lengthy article, Tyra — who named her company Bankable Productions — seems to be justifying her crossover success and subsequent mega-wealth. ("Banks makes an estimated $18 million a year, and her net worth is around $75 million.") She'd have you believe that, ultimately, she's in this media game to help out 18 - 34-year-old women. How fitting then, that that happens to be the exact demographic coveted by advertisers! It's not so weird that we question whether someone is only interested in"instilling self-esteem in young women" when that someone built her empire on a competition-based reality show about modeling. What is weird is that Tyra feels the need to couch her seemingly endless career goals in humanitarianism, as though her ambition needs to have a heart as big as her weave. The answer is that she knows if she doesn't say that shit, she'll look like a money-grubbing asshole. The question, however, is: Why aren't women allowed to be as shamelessly mercenary as men?

Tyra is obviously a quick study, and in her quest for branding "Tyra" as what she refers to as "attainable fantasy," TyTy has no doubt closely watched her idol Martha Stewart, and has learned from her mistakes as coming off too cold or business-y. Bu it's hard to believe that Tyra's first concern isn't money, particularly because she continually talks about it in the article. Normally cartoonish, she actually comes off like Montgomery Burns.

"I'm frugal," she said. "I've always been this way. When I was young, my mom would give me my allowance, and I'd peel off a little each week and have some to spare." She looked around the room, which had cream industrial carpeting and walls painted in a shade somewhere between cantaloupe and terra cotta. "When we moved into these offices, I didn’t like the carpet," she continued. "But do you know what carpeting costs? It’s really expensive. So, I picked out a color palette that would go with this carpet, and I painted the walls instead. Painting is much less expensive than carpet." She considered this decision for a moment. "One of the first things I ask when I hire someone who deals with the financials of the company is about their spending habits. How you spend money reveals a lot about you."

Only people who super care about money say they're frugal. She also writes in very small print so that she doesn't have to go through notebooks as quickly. And you know that has nothing to do with being green.

Hirschberg remarks on Tyra's weird, yet winning, combination of deliberate details and chaotic improvisation when it comes to her shows and producing projects. But even Tyra herself talks about how her current success was a longtime in the making, a plan she and her mother (her best friend, manager, and onetime stage mother to a child star, although the two would deny that) had carefully mapped out years ago when she first got into modeling.

"My mom said, 'You will not go to Paris without studying the industry first,'" Banks said. "I went to the fashion library in Los Angeles and looked at all the French magazines from the past. My mom explained that I should study the names of the hairdressers, the stylists, the makeup artists, the photographers, the editors and, of course, the designers. I watched videotapes of models walking. My mom said, 'This is not just glamour — it is a business.' So when I arrived in Paris, I was ready.'"

Um, except she never bothered to learn French. LOL!

Once she got to Paris, she "saw that the girls with cosmetic and swimsuit calendars made more money than the high-fashion girls," so when she began to gain too much weight for runway, she looked at it as an opportunity to really cash in with Victoria's Secret contracts and Sports Illustrated covers. She even viewed her skin color as a lucrative opportunity rather than a setback, because at the time, there was no "black Cindy Crawford." as she puts it.

At the end of the day, Tyra—who points out that she doesn't drink and is not into the latest fashions — is just like any other success story: She's a geek who made good. And like most embittered geeks, she wishes to inherit the earth. Or at least to rule it.

"I want power," she said. "The power to make change. I have never been interested in being ‘hot’ or ‘cool.’ I’m not interested in walking down a bunch of red carpets, dating someone famous, being in a big movie. I’ve done those things, and it never felt right. But I do want power and not for financial reasons."

But it's kinda hard to believe that someone so calculating isn't all about the numbers. Not that there's anything wrong with that!

Banksable [NYT Magazine]

Modeling Is Not The Road To Self-Esteem

Jessica — Wed, 28 May 2008 15:30:00 EDT

There's a new show premiering on TV Land on June 4th called She's Got The Look, where women 35 and older compete for a modeling contract and a Self magazine spread. It's like ANTM for soccer moms! Anyway, it reminded me of Whitney's exit speech after she was crowned the first "full-figured" winner of Top Model. Whitney went on and on about how she wants to be a role model for young girls, how she wants them to look at her and think, "I can do that. I can be that. I can be on that billboard and be on that magazine, because I'm beautiful from the inside out." While I think that the prevailing media images of "beauty" are too narrow and oppressive, modeling shouldn't be a paramount goal for any child, teen, or over-35 year old.

The idea that modeling makes you feel good about your looks in the first place is flat out wrong. Models are constantly told that they're too fat, too thin, too pale, too dark, etc. If you need all of that external verification to love yourself, you're going to be shit out of luck, eventually. Teens especially need to learn to feel good about their looks from the inside, not from the adoring eyes of possibly-predatory strangers. Also? Teens need to have more substantial dreams than becoming lifelong mannequins! Even The Hills twats are better role models than your average model.

Which is not to say that I won't watch at least one episode of She's Got The Look. I picture 15 washed up Dina Lohan-types snarking on each other over cellulite and fighting for granola bars. Who wouldn't want to witness that?

She's Got The Look [TV Land]

Earlier: And The Plus-Size Girl Takes The Cake

"Your Skin Is Sooooo Dehydrated!" (And 9 Other Reasons I Hate Makeup Artists)

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Wed, 28 May 2008 13:40:00 EDT

The New York Times Magazine is on a roll with its Jezebellian cover subjects. This Sunday, the cover story is about Tyra Banks, and naturally we were absolutely stoked, but our hearts practically fell out of our butts when the press release informed us that among things, the profile will cover Tyra's "275 smiles from 'angry but still smiling' to 'flirting with boyfriend.'" Which smile do you think she's using in this photo? Our guess is "Bratz chic." (Click image to view larger version.)

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Tue, 20 May 2008 13:45:00 EDT

ANTM Cycle 10 winner Whitney Thompson was in NYC this week and took some Polaroids. Looks like she got rid of that dreadful weave. She's not on Elite's website yet (is there a special "full figure" category that isn't advertised on the site?), but as we were checking out the other models on it, we noticed a familiar face: Mollie Sue from Cycle 6. And she's actually a real Elite model, rather than part of its Model Management that the winners of ANTM are signed to. (Click image to check out Whitney's shots.) [COACD]

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Mon, 19 May 2008 17:20:00 EDT

Check it out: It's ANTM Cycle 10 winner Whitney Thompson's photos (taken by noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker) and interview from the forthcoming July issue of Seventeen. It's kinda great that the "full figure" girl won the cycle that featured a bikini shoot, so they weren't able to hide her body behind ponchos and shit. What's bizarre is that Whitney claims that she's a size 14, but with skinny arms, a flat belly, and what looks to be boobs not much bigger than a B cup, we don't see how she's anything larger than an 8 or a 10. But whatevs, congrats, Whitney! (Click image for the rest of the pics and the interview.)

Why is this always the go-to post for plus-size girls? Was Miss Piggy giving the "posing teach" that day?

Tyra: The First Annual Fiercee Awards

Slut Machine — Thu, 15 May 2008 16:00:00 EDT

Yesterday, Tyra held the first annual Fiercee Awards, in which TyTy gave awards out to girls from past cycles of Top Model. The "awards" were actually more like backhanded compliments (Ugliest Cry, Biggest Makeover Meltdown, Worst Fall). Not all the girls turned up for it. Actually, it was kinda like the People's Choice Awards, where only presenters and winners showed up. (Except for Jade and Jael. They were nominated for several things, and it was a shutout.) Here are some highlights: Saleisha said she "never ever" got used to that horrible mushroom cap hairdo, Jade was salty, Jada cared way too much, Natasha is still awesome, Joanie maybe got fake tits, Joanie's teeth cost ANTM $30k, Jaslene seems to be struggling with literacy, and the clip of Shandi's BF screaming,"You had SEX!?" still makes us LOL. Clip above, and a list of the awards, nominees, and winners, as well as screen shots of all the girls who showed up, after the jump.

Biggest Makeover Meltdown
Nominees: Jade, Jada, Bianca
Winner: Jade

Craziest Phone Call
Nominees: Shandi, Natasha
Winner: Natasha

Worst Wipeout
Nominees: Rebbecca, Norelle, Jael
Winner: Norelle

Most Dramatic Exit
Nominees: Ebony (Cycle 9), Jade, Kimberly
Winner: Kimberly

Ugliest Cry
Nominees: Joanie, Shandi, Jael
Winner: Joanie

Honorary Awards:
Lifetime Achievement Award
Toccara

Most Dramatic Change
Shandi

And now for the fun part: The pictures!

April & Heather

Bianca

Camille & Diana

Ebony

Jada

Jade

Jael

Jaslene & Nicole

Joanie & Tits

Keenyah & Jenah

Kimberly

Natasha

Norelle

Shandi

Toccara

Saleisha & CariDee

ANTM: And The Plus-Size Girl Takes The Cake!

Slut Machine — Thu, 15 May 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Despite conspiracy theories, underminers, and the fact that some of us thought Anya was actually the better model, we're damned proud of Whitney Thompson and the fact that a plus-size girl finally took the title on ANTM. (Of course, the show is not even close to a true representation of the real modeling industry.) There was something really telling in Paulina's commentary during judging when she said, "Whitney is the one that a man would want in his bedroom, but Anya is the one that you would buy the dress from." The fashion industry is fucked up. Or maybe we're all fucked up. Or maybe we need to stop letting curve-hating gay men tell us how we should look!

Earlier: ANTM Finale Live Blog: Arrivederci Cycle 10

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Thu, 15 May 2008 09:45:00 EDT

Congrats to ANTM Cycle 10 winner Whitney Thompson! She's the first plus-size woman to win the the grand prize in Top. Model. History. But our girl is going to need a skin thicker than her (normal-sized) waistline, especially after one observant reader pointed out that her Wikipedia page was hacked last night by someone taking cheap shots at her body. (Click image to see screen grab.)

ANTM Finale Live Blog: Arrivederci Cycle 10

Slut Machine — Wed, 14 May 2008 20:00:00 EDT

ANTM finales are always bittersweet because we've been working up to this moment all cycle, but then that means that we won't have this ridiculousness that we love to laugh at next week. As far as winners go, I'm rooting for Anya, because the girl can't take a bad picture, and because she seems like a really genuinely nice person. But more than anything, I'd love to hear her try and talk her way through her visits to factories/Walmarts in the "My Life as a Cover Girl" spots.

8:58 I'm glad that Paulina redeemed herself by saying "This isn't 'plus size.' This is beautiful."

8:57 HOLY FUCKING SHIT ALSDKFJSADL;FKJSADLF;KASDJNFLKSADHSAKL;FJADLKF;J. YAAAAAAAY for plus size girls!

8:56 Here it comes! I'm actually torn right now. I feel like Tyra, when she says, "I woke up this morning and I knew who I was voting for tonight. But now I'm up in the air."

8:53 I'm a little offended by Paulina calling Whitney a "ham." I don't like the pork connotation.

8:47 I love when Tyra gives a compliment and couches it in "You remind me of me."

8:46 Everyone got a costume change except Whitney?

8:44 Jeez, Whitney's dress is making me nervous.

8:42 Boy models? Also, where's Orangella already!?

8:41 Oh, this is a new weave for Tyra!

8:35 Where's Orangella already!?

8:30 WHITNEY! Dude, a plus size girl could take this. Also, Whitney is like totally thinner than me. Does that make me family size?

8:27 Whitney's picture is pretty, but I think she looks stupid in it the way that Paulina thinks Anya looks stoopid.

8:23 Holy friggin' shit! Versace! They're actually going to be wearing a real designer's clothes in a runway show tonight? But more importantly: We're totally gonna get some Donatella action!

8:21 Tyra just said to Fatima, "You have to do that eye squint. You have to smile with your eyes, and squint them and make them smaller, but keep them open, because your eyes are already small." What the hell kind of advice is that?

8:18 OK, again, not to be a bish, but I think that Fatima is vastly overestimating her relatability. I, for one, can not relate growing up "in a shack," being a virgin, having female circumcision, being as thin as a rail, and not having "travels" documents.

8:17 Why can't anyone pronounce arrivederci?

8:14 Hey, i never noticed that Jay Manuel wears a gold band on his ring finger. Does he have a life partner? Haha! "Life partner" is such a gay term, and I don't mean gay in a homosexual way.

8:10 Now that Anya is crying, and her eyelids are red, she looks super albino.

8:07 Billboard in Times Square! Oh, here comes Tootie.

8:06 Anya, don't chop your finger off!

8:05 Not to be a bish, but Fatima needs to work on her skin. I mean, this is a modeling competition.

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Wed, 14 May 2008 15:45:00 EDT

So who's gonna take it tonight on Top Model? The plus-size girl, the foreign girl, or the girl who sounds like a foreign girl? We're gonna be live blogging, so watch the dramz unfold with us. (8 PM EST.)

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Wed, 14 May 2008 09:45:00 EDT

Tonight is the finale of ANTM Cycle 10. (Sad!) ONTD has a great picture post showing what girls from different cycles have been up to (including Cycle 8's Whitney, Cycle 10's Claire, Cycle 7's Anchal, and Cycle 6's Jade, among others). But the woman who stuck out the most was Cycle 10's Whitney, the plus-size model who is in the final three competing for the top spot tonight. It's unclear if these shots of Whitney are recent, but if they are, girlfriend has lost a ton of weight. More depressing evidence that thinness = success? (Click on image for more shots.) [ONTD]

ANTM: Our Hearts Are As Empty As The Space Where Dominique's Tooth Used To Be

Slut Machine — Thu, 08 May 2008 12:00:00 EDT

Who would've thought that Dominique would've made it this far in the competition? And who would've thought we'd be so sad to see her go? At first, her bravado was annoying, and her severe aesthetic was a little off-putting. But when it comes down to it, she possessed all the requirements necessary for an enjoyable season of Top Model — ridiculousness, drag queen-ness, and a completely inflated sense of self, to the point of delusion — and managed to up the ante with those, which is no small feat, considering the parties involved. Clip above.

Okay, two more things:

When discussing looking like a man, Tyra sorta had a bit of 5 o'clock shadow.

ANTM: Tyra Snaps...Photos

Slut Machine — Thu, 01 May 2008 11:00:00 EDT

You never really realize how awesome Tyra Banks makes ANTM until she participates in an episode beyond "panel" and she creates magic, like in this still right here. Actually, I love this still so much, that I've made it into desktop wallpaper that you can download. A picture is worth a thousand words, and seven of them are: Even Jay Manuel Thinks You're Too Gay. As for last night's episode, it's kinda crazy that Dominique is still in the competition, right? But it's great, because we get to hear her say things like, "This is a slap in the face to everyone in the world right now because no one else can say that Tyra took their picture." Uh, yeah, Dominique, except for the four other girls in the room with you. (And the countless other coozes who have been in this competition in the previous nine cycles.) Clip above.

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Fri, 25 Apr 2008 12:45:00 EDT

Holy shit! It finally happened: Someone literally got stabby while watching Tyra Banks! A woman in Seattle had some friends over her house to drink beer and watch America's Next Top Model. One of her guests was talking too loudly, and after several attempts to shut the woman up, the host tried to kick her out of her apartment. The argument turned physical, replete with clumps of hair (we're secretly hoping it was a weave) being pulled out of scalps, until the host grabbed a paring knife from the kitchen and repeatedly stabbed the woman in the chest and neck. The victim is, thankfully, alive, and her attacker, as of last evening, is still at large. [Seattle PI]

ANTM: Dominique Is Missing A Tooth!?

Slut Machine — Thu, 24 Apr 2008 13:00:00 EDT

It's kind of ridiculous that Dominique has lasted this long in the competition, especially after last night's episode when she gave that gaping, goofy smile that revealed her missing tooth. But the thing that makes ANTM so wonderful is ridiculousness, so we'd like to say to Dominique: play on, player. You're our favorite toothless single mom aspiring model — and we mean that. And how about that Paulie Cicero-type, pervy Italian guy the girls had to walk for? He gave the best put downs and back-handed compliments. He said that Dominique didn't look "fresh" (read: she's ah old ah mama mia). And he totally pulled the whole "such a pretty face" line with Whitney. (BTW, Whitney claims she's the only plus-size model who's made it this far in the competition, but we'd like to point out that she's incorrect, seeing as how Robin, from Cycle 1 made it to the top four and went to Paris.) Clip above.

America's Next Top Model: Shiny.

Dodai — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 15:10:00 EDT

[New York, April 23. Images via Splash.]

ANTM: Lauren Could Kick The Asses Of Any Of These Girls

Slut Machine — Thu, 17 Apr 2008 13:00:00 EDT

Dude, Lauren is no bullshit. She really is just as tough as her leather jacket exterior. When she cut off the tip of her thumb making latkes on last night's episode, she didn't even cry. You'd think she was grimacing, but that was actually the tough-girl face she's normally making. Anyway, when she told the woman from Entertainment Tonight on the green carpet that she should be America's Next Top Model because she could "kick the shit out of any of these girls," she was dead serious — and dead on. And speaking of the green carpet, isn't it hilarious that Anya won another challenge where the reward was for her to pose naked? And only a week after the PTC filed an indecency complaintwith the FCC about her last nude shoot on the show! It was nice that she got a check for $10,000 from 7Up as well. (Tyra's been pretty stingy with the rewards in the past few cycles.) Clip above.

Did anyone else notice that giant mass growing off TyTy's face? I really thought she'd gotten a monroe for a minute there.

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:30:00 EDT

The Parents Television Council has filed an indecency complaint against complaint with the FCC about America's Next Top Model and the show's March 26 episode, in which contestant Anya modeled nude for Nigel Barker (as her reward for winning a challenge). The image to the left is a still taken from the episode and it's about as racy as the imagery got. Any other nudity was completely blurred out. However, PTC president Tim Winter said the show was "irresponsible" and "crossed the legal threshold for broadcast indecency." Whatevs. [TV Guide]

ANTM: Marvita Is Our Favorite Lezebel

Slut Machine — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Doesn't it always feel like we're robbed when Tyra springs a recap episode on us? I was totally excited to see if Fatima got deported and which one of Lauren's fingers got chopped off, as was promised in last week's "coming up" teaser. But no dice. However, the good thing about ANTM clip shows is that they include unaired footage of the inanity in the house, giving us a better glimpse at the girls' real personalities — particularly Marvita, who is a lot more awesome than editing had previously made her out to be. If I were living with 12 hot male models I wanted to bone, I'd probably behave the same way Marvita did in the ANTM house: Wrestle as foreplay, feel them up by giving massages, and show them my vagina. Clip above.

Oh, Jaslene! What Would Tyra Say?

Dodai — Thu, 10 Apr 2008 09:15:00 EDT

[New York, April 10. Image via Splash.]

ANTM: "H20 No You Deh'ent, Gurl!"

Slut Machine — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Lauren on America's Next Top Model is seriously awesome. She drinks 40s of OE, likes zombie movies, and is not a morning person...she's great! Over the past few weeks, she's really been letting her true colors shine, which means she's been screaming at the other girls with little to no provocation. On last night's episode, she called Fatima a "piece of shit" because Fatima asked her if she poured her coffee out. LOL! Clip above, and more after the jump.

Fatima said that you can't really tell that Lauren has a bad temper by looking at her. Um, I beg to differ.

And speaking about the way people look:

Normally, I wouldn't point something like that out, but come on. This is a modeling competition. We're supposed to be judging books by their covers.

Former ANTM Contestant Gets Closure With Tyra On Red Carpet

Slut Machine — Mon, 31 Mar 2008 17:00:00 EDT

Okay, so first of all, The Tyra Show put on something called "The Fiercee Awards" (pronounced like fierce-ay), which was an awards show solely for former Top Model contestants. How the hell did we miss this!? Why weren't we invited!? (Wait, I can think of a reason or two.) Anyway, Kim Stolz, the lesbian from cycle 5, currently works for MTV news and she chose not to attend the awards, but to work the red carpet. Her run-in with Tyra is awesome. (She asks for Tyra's number and TyTy says no!) Clip above.

ANTM: Now It's Really A Menstrual Show

Slut Machine — Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:00:00 EDT

Last night's ANTM was the best episode of this cycle this far — all thanks to Tyra! It's unclear what exactly was going on with her — sleep deprivation, too many Red Bulls, weave sewn too tight — but it doesn't really matter because the manic result was a show in itself. And I have to say, dressing the girls up as used tampons, and then telling them to act out "period pain" was inspired. Clip above.

ANTM: Commercial! Couture! Catalog!

Slut Machine — Thu, 20 Mar 2008 11:00:00 EDT

On last night's episode, posing instructor Benny Ninja (why doesn't he have an official title like "Diva Runway Coach Extraordinaire" or "Noted Fashion Photographer"?) taught the girls about commercial, couture and catalog modeling. Many of them couldn't seem to tell the difference between the three, and frankly, neither could I. I know that couture is "weird", and commercial and catalog seemed identical to me, other than the fact that one of them seems to involve checking the time on an invisible watch. Oh, the other awesome thing last night was when Dominique accused Whitney of being racist. (Note to Dominique: Just because someone is a bitch to a person of color, it doesn't count as racist sentiment unless the remark is actually racial.) Whitney's reaction was priceless: "My best friend is black!" I couldn't help but think she was referring to Tyra. Suck up.

Vintage ANTM: Remember That Time Tyra Totally Lost Her Shit?

Slut Machine — Wed, 19 Mar 2008 19:00:00 EDT

Cycle 4 was probably when Tyra was at her craziest. Just look at that hair! Clearly she was out of her mind. It was during this cycle that she began filming the Tyra show, and she was working night and day, getting very little sleep. During this particular elimination round, she decided to shake things up a bit and eliminate two girls at once, just to be extra bitchy. When Tiffany, the girl for whom Tyra personally paid for anger management sessions, didn't show a sufficient amount of emotion when she got the boot, Tyra flipped her weave. Clip above.

ANTM: Anorexic Model Is Unbeweavably Racist

Slut Machine — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 11:00:00 EST

It wasn't so shocking to find out on last night's Top Model that Allison has body image issues and once struggled with anorexia. It was shocking, though, to find out that she is pretty racist. For example, saying, "You take it in the back because you're black" to Fatima was totally ridiculous. (Especially because Fatima probably takes it in the back because the front is sewn up. Awww snap! Sorry, that was mean.) More after the jump!

Personally, I thought the makeovers this cycle were some of the worst yet. A couple of the girls came out looking great, but in some instances, it was really cruel. Here are the culprits:

And how could I resist this:

When I saw Stacey Ann's hair, all I could think about was Bill Murray's secretary in Scrooged.

And I don't know what Anya could be compared to, exactly, but whatever it is, it's sensitive to the sun, so it creeps around at night and probably collects the souls of little children.

But she did have an awesome photo.

OK, can we just talk about Dominique's confidence for a minute?

She knows this is a modeling competition, right?

She looks like a soccer mom on the sidelines rooting for her kid:

Here's another example of Tyra's cruelty:

Bitch had the airbrushers spend all the time on her.

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 12:45:00 EST

Tocacara Jones, the plus-sized contestant from ANTM Cycle 3, is on the cover of "urban" lad mag King looking hotter than ever, with the cover line reading "Eating Out With Toccara." This is actually the second cover of King for Jones, who has been working as a BET correspondent, and holds the esteemed title as being the only ANTM contestant that my (Tracie's) ex-boyfriend ever beat off to. [Concrete Loop]

Remember How Awesome Janice Dickinson Was On ANTM?

Slut Machine — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 19:00:00 EST

While ANTM is of course still really great, the first four cycles are just a little bit more special because Janice Dickinson was a judge. Today MTV reran one of the best episodes ever, from cycle three (the one that Eva won). In it, Janice teaches the girls how to pose in swimsuits and evening wear, and as over-the-top as she could be at times, her advice here was actually the most practical, valuable and helpful coaching the girls received. In this clip, Janice teaches the girls how not to look like a porn star, while kind of looking like a porn star, and then complains about one girl's lack of facial expression. Ironically, while Janice is lodging this complaint to the camera, the Botox has left her unable to furrow her brow in disapproval. We're really into Paulina and all, but we seriously miss Janice. After the jump, an extra treat.

Remember Kelle from this cycle? The one who went on to become an undecided voter? Well, this might just be the funniest 25 seconds in Top. Model. History.

ANTM: Paulina Porizkova Is Like A More Lucid Janice Dickinson

Slut Machine — Thu, 28 Feb 2008 13:00:00 EST

So much happened on last night's episode of ANTM, but the best part was Paulina Porizkova. How did we not know she was this awesome!? She totally has the bite of Janice, but without the slurred, nonsensical bark. (Although, we do love Janice just the way she is.) The other awesome thing about the episode was Kimberly: At least she had the good sense to realize early on that this whole thing isn't for her. (In actuality, her choosing to leave probably had a lot more to do with the fact that she couldn't handle the criticism of her personality, clothes and facial expression, which Miss J. likened to a smushed up snot rag). But the look on everyone's faces, and the collective sharp gasp, when she said that she wasn't into fashion was priceless. Let's discuss more after the jump.

OK, there are just a few more things we need to talk about. Like the fact the portraits of Top Models past.

We have Eva and Yoanna:

Nicole:

Caridee:

"Dani":

Jaslene:

Absent are Adrianne (natch), Saleisha (who, as the reigning Top Model, might have a different place in the house we just haven't seen yet), and Naima. So what the hell happened to Naima? Even Robin from Cycle 1 made it into the house and she wasn't even in the top three.

Also, what's with the one giant bed that a bunch of the girls have to share? Is Tyra trying to make them into lezebels?

That's unnecessary, considering she has Marvita there to do that.

Guess who called first dibs on the big bed.

Okay, but for real, how fucking great is Paulina? She's loving it just as much as we are.

She's gorgeous and it doesn't seem like she's had any kind of cosmetic surgery or Botox. The woman is expressive.

Now I'm about to be a lezebel. Serious girl crush!

ANTM Cycle 10: The Unaired Interviews

Slut Machine — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 13:00:00 EST

Above is a clip of some unaired interviews in which Tyra Banks discusses the young women who make up the cast of ANTM Cycle 10, as well as interviews with some of the women themselves. For some reason, Tyra seems a bit more unhinged than normal, which is wonderful, as is hearing aspiring models talk about what makes them so great. (Clearly a formula for hilarity.) On tonight's episode of ANTM, the girls will move into their house in NYC, the theme of which is "Model for a Cause" and Tyra says it will feature pictures of all the past winners with their causes listed below. (We bet dollars to donuts there won't be a picture of Adrianne. She and Tyra are still in a feud and haven't talked since like the third cycle.) The models will also have their first photo shoot, meet new judge Paulina Porizkova, and the first model will be sent home. Who will it be!?!? We really hope it's not Claire. She's our fave, thus far.

ANTM Alum Jaslene: My Clavicles, Let Me Show You Them

Dodai — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 16:10:00 EST

[New York, February 21. Image via Splash.]

Top Model Alums From Cycles 1 - 9 On Tyra

Slut Machine — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 15:20:00 EST

Girls from each cycle of America's Next Top Model (except cycle 5) were on Tyra on Wednesday. Seriously, she should have those girls on at least once a week, or maybe just a phone call or something: I can't get enough of them. The biggest updates are that Tocarra is working as an on-air correspondent for BET, Michelle pooped out Survivor alum Jonny Fairplay's kid, and Shannon, the virgin from cycle 1, got married to another virgin, and now neither of them are virgins. We don't really want to make assumptions, but his heavy lisp and the fact that he said that he expected sex to be "awkward and awful" makes us think that maybe resisting Shannon's feminine charms for so long wasn't that difficult. Clip above, and after the jump, stills of all the girls.

Heather, Cycle 9

Bianca, Cycle 9

Jael, Cycle 8

Joanie, Cycle 7

Anchal, Cycle 6

Michelle, Cycle 4

Tocarra, Cycle 3

Camille, Cycle 2

Mercedes, Cycle 2

Shandi, Cycle 2

Jennifer and I actually met Shanthrax at a party in December. Well, I didn't really meet her, I just sort of forced her to take a picture. She was very nice. We're all smiling with our eyes.

Shannon, Cycle 1

Live Streaming Video: America's Next Top Model Menstrual Cycle 10

Slut Machine — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 19:54:55 EST

This is the moment we've been looking forward to since...whenever the hell cycle 9 ended. For this live blog, we're doing something a little bit different: We're live-streaming us watching the show so that you can watch us watch Tyra. (We'll be conversing mostly during commercial breaks so we can all watch the show closely.) Let's see if we can "make it work"! (Oh wait, that's another show.) After the jump, yo.

Watch live video from Jezebel on Justin.tv

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:20:00 EST

We're live blogging the season premiere of America's Next Top Model tonight. And this time, we're doing an extra special Mystery Science Theater 3000-esque live stream of the Jezebel editors watching the show, so everything will be in real time (if we can get the technical aspects of this set up, that is....fingers crossed). So come back and see us at 8 PM Eastern.

OMG! America's Next Top Model Cycle 10 Sneak Peek!

Slut Machine — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 11:00:00 EST

Cycle 10 of ANTM premieres this Wednesday, but we were able to get a sneak peak at the first episode, and assemble a little clip in honor of it. (Don't worry, there aren't any spoilers; all the girls who make it from the casting special have already been announced, as per usual.) It looks like there's a really reality TV-ready batch of contestants this time around: One of them drinks her own breast milk, one of them offers to show the others her pubic hair, and all of them are wild, shrilly banshees screaming their heads off, which actually mirrors our own excitement over the fact that one of the best shows on television is back.

You Wanna Be On Top

Slut Machine — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 09:45:00 EST

We don't exactly know what the deal is with the America's Next Top Model dolls other than that we desperately want them. MGA Entertainment (makers of Bratz) have released four dolls in the name of the series—Sienna, Sidney, Paisley and Tascha—but we're having a hard time finding them for sale other than on eBay, or used on Amazon. What makes matters even more confusing is that rival doll company Mattel (makers of HBIC Barbie) have also released a series of "Top Model" dolls that actually have nothing to do with ANTM. Oooh, we smell another lawsuit coming on! [Popwatch]

Tyra Banks Is A Liar

Slut Machine — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 19:00:00 EST

On her talk show today, Tyra decided she wanted to play Moment of Truth, that game show that hooks people up to lie detectors and then asks them difficult questions. Tyra's set of questions (which we're pretty sure her staff wrote) included: "Did you really make up with Naomi Campbell?" (She said yes, which was apparently true.) "Are you jealous of Oprah?" (No, proved to be false.) "Do you really care about girls' self-esteem?" (Yes, true.) In the clip above she's asked if she thought each winner of America's Next Top Model deserved the title. Check out how she fared.

Noted Fashion Photographer Nigel Barker Looks Hot Talking About Anorexia

Slut Machine — Mon, 04 Feb 2008 16:00:00 EST

Last week, Jezebel videographer Alex Goldberg attended a party for Maggie Norris Couture [Wha? Who? -Ed.] and who did he happen to run into? Noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker! The Top Model judge weighed in on Tyra's favorite topic, body image, and the problem with anorexia in the fashion industry. But it doesn't really matter what Nigel's saying, as long he continues to look that good while he's saying it. You wanna be on top...of him!