Watching clips of women squealing over shoes and sheets — and getting orgasmic over orange juice — you start to wonder how advertisers got the idea that women respond to these over-the-top portrayals. It's almost like looking at some of the weird "Oldies But Goodies" we post: The ads seem laughably out-of-touch. Should we blame decades of fashion magazines and celebrity worship for promoting consumerist ideals and shopping-as-a-woman's-hobby propaganda? Maybe. But. According to Haskins, we should "Stop asking dumb questions like, 'Is Congress using us as a pawn in the healthcare debate?' and start asking, 'Are my boobs jealous of my butt?" Remember ladies: "Happiness is just one purchase away."

Target Women: "Happiness Is Just One Purchase Away" [Salon]
Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Lessons 2009Sarah Haskins in Target Women: Lessons 2009 [Current]

Jay Leno and Hugh Jackman had a conversation about eating yogurt. Two straight men talking about a product associated with Jamie Lee Curtis's intestines. The stuff Sarah Haskins calls "the official food of women." Life is an infinite mystery, you guys. By the by, Hugh Jackman's accent is shoe-shopping good. Clip at left.

Earlier: Why Must A Person Possess Ovaries To Enjoy Yogurt?
Brides, Botox & Yogurt: Sarah Haskins Targets Those Who Target Women

Sarah Haskins has mocked Jamie Lee Curtis and the dancing women in yogurt commercials before, but seriously: Do companies even want men to eat yogurt? Milk commercials make it seem like dairy is for everyone. You can certainly eat cheese and ice cream, no matter your gender. But yogurt? No Boys Allowed. And just to prove a point, a new frozen yogurt joint has apparently arrived in NYC. As seen in the picture at left, yogurt is so trendy, it is now Voguert.

There was a time when anything remotely "diet" was automatically for women: Lettuce, cottage cheese, soda. Times have only changed so much: Somehow, even though a dude will drink Diet Coke you just never see a man peeling off a lid of yogurt. And how much are you willing to bet zero guys are interested in Voguert?

Steak has been reclaimed. Hungry-Man dinners? Not exactly "just for men," seeing as how they are made up of fried chicken and meat smothered in mushroom gravy. (Name a woman who doesn't like gravy!) But yogurt remains a prisoner of the estrogen ghetto. Can you think of any other food that is so gender-specific?

FroYo Wars [Eater]
Another Terribly Named FroYo Place (Plus more from the Church's Food Court on 8th Ave.) [Midtown Lunch]

Salon writer Kate Harding has a girlcrush on her. NPR interviewed her about the female vote. You've seen her mocking yogurt that makes you poop. But do you know Sarah Haskins? She's a Harvard-educated funnylady whose segments on Current TV's infoMania deal with issues like botox. She's a Chicago comedy alum who has recently moved to L.A. She likes Sesame Street and Eddie Izzard. And, in an interview with Chicago comedy blog The Bastion, Ms. Haskins is asked, point blank: Are you a feminist? She answers thusly:

Yes, I’m a feminist. It is an extension of my lifelong war against pantyhose. To me it means that as women we are individuals before we are gendered people and that we’re not defined by our gender except in the ways we chose to appropriate that definition. We’re in a weird generation, right? Our Moms were forced to grapple with that definition more immediately, and I think it’s changed as we’ve grown up. The core issue "how do I fight bias against me because of my gender" is still there but has gotten more complicated and wrapped into all kinds of identity issues about how you present yourself as a woman and I pretty much think it's your choice and fuck pantyhose.

Yeah, okay, it's official, I love you. What's next for Sarah Haskins? "Ultimate goals? Nobel Prize for Literature," she says. "Failing that, I would like a long career where I do a lot of different things. I look at the careers of people like Mike Nichols, Tina Fey, and Steve Martin — they've all done great work in a number of roles and mediums. I hope to make a few good things." You already have, my friend. You already have!

Peep the awesome bride-oriented video below:

Sarah Haskins on "Angry" women voters:

Sarah Haskins on Botox:

Sarah Haskins on yogurt:

New episodes of infoMania go up every Thursday night.

Sarah Haskins Casts Her 'Lady' Vote [NPR]
Girl Crush: Sarah Haskins [Salon]
Inside With: Sarah Haskins [The Bastion]
Related: infoMania [Current]