I think men should certainly be allowed to use the term feminist. As feminists don't we all from time to time have differing opinions on many matters. As long as a mas is aware and wanting to change the unequal treatment of women he is a feminist. My boyfriend identifies as a feminist and has a minor in Women's Studies. We do not always see eye to eye on certain issues but I would certainly agree he has women's best intrest at heart we just tend to disagree on what that entails. I think giving them a different title alienates them from a cause that affects them more then they realize.
I don't care if pro-gender equality men call themselves feminists or pro-feminists. Either way feminism is in the name. There is an element of eating our own to even making this an issue. And more importantly whatever time we spend on it takes away from time we could spend talking about how men can combat sexual violence or how to expand paternity leave.
Its kind of buried in the Jez piece, but XY is actively looking for submissions if any would be boy bloggers are interested.
I don't see why we need a separate term for men. To me, a feminist is anyone who believes in equality for women, regardless of the gender of a person. Calling them "pro feminist" means that now there will be a group called "anti feminist." I really don't understand why people get so offended about feminism (i.e. "Feminazis"). What reasonable person would REALLY say that yes indeed, they DO want to deny women equal rights? I still remember when I was a kid, going to church and they had a petition out against the ERA. :/
Linda Ellerbee said, "Feminism is not about sitting at the head of the table. It's about getting rid of all of the tables except the round ones."
Also, in terms of equality and self-awareness of bias: how many uses of the word "men" here were understood to refer specifically to straight men, but weren't qualified as such, thereby lumping everyone male into the same broad category?
I am a male and I would consider myself a feminist except for one thing: that I'm not vocal about it, that is, feminism, or any other of the other issues about which I am opinionated. I feel like the term should come with some responsibility, and being that I am nine times out of ten not going to participate in the discussion, I feel that identifying myself as a feminist would be misrepresentative or passively detrimental to the community.
Every man that I have ever dated has been pro-equality. My last serious boyfriend was AMAZING at promoting the welfare of female friends.
Having said that, my struggles with men and the mechanics of equality tend to be less about equal pay for equal time (and that sort of thing) and more about relationship dynamics. Like, for instance, why am I so often the only person in the relationship willing to work on the relationship? Why am I expected to do all the emotional heavy lifting and adjust to HIS priorities? Why do we always acclimate to his schedule and never to mine? I am thankful that my boyfriends have been pro-equality, but for me, it's such a complicated issue, because the men who identify as feminists are so frequently the ones who refuse to negotiate the nitty gritty of an equitable relationship.
@drinkwater: I find for me, and my pro-equality husband, that I am my own worst enemy when it comes to relationship dynamics. He honestly doesn't give a rats ass about stuff like whether I cook dinner or not, but *I* feel like a shitty spouse if I don't do it. He'll come through the kitchen and be like, "You know, you didn't have to do that. I could have just made a sandwich later." And for some reason, even though he's being utterly sincere, I don't believe him. Why don't I believe him? The man doesn't lie (srsly, he really doesn't, even when sometimes I wish he would).
@samarkand: I was actually going to say that, but for cogency left it out. Yes, I am very much my own enemy. One of my new relationship policies is that when I am starting to feel too much "put out" by his schedule, his emotional unresponsiveness, I stop. I don't stop the relationship, but I stop putting energy into it. I don't shift my schedule to match his. The result is that we see each other less, but I am also taking care of my needs. Better to spend a relaxing night at home by myself than feeling resentful. But, of course, the result is that we see each other less. I suspect that if I am waiting for a partner that is going to match my Southern graciousness I'm going to be waiting for a long time indeed.
I completely understand why a politically astute guy might be sensitive about identifying as a feminist and worried that it may be seen as co-opting a liberation movement that is not his own. I think that's a very thoughtful way of looking at it.
That said, I'm with the OP. If a dude who works against sexist and checks his own privilege wants to call himself a feminist, I am more than happy to welcome him to the club. Fighting sexism is hard, yo, and we need all the help we can get.
What about the boys who identify as feminists and consider women/the feminine to be superior? Do we need to say "total & absolute equality, no exceptions", or is there something to be said for aggressively representing & promoting the feminine to make it more familiar and acceptable? For example, feminism in the form of Kurt Cobain wearing a dress on stage, or a gown to the Headbanger's Ball. I feel like a sense of feminine superiority among male feminists might be a transitory stage, like punk rock. Necessarily extreme, to make us all really stop and examine ourselves deeply on the path to complete freedom and equality.
To ask all of us, how would we feel if women were the entitled sex?
Part of me says that's wrong somehow. But I know that long after I considered myself a feminist, there were still very sexist aspects to me that I did not know were there until something came along & made me uncomfortable & I was forced to ask myself why it bothered me so much.
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Edited by prismatism is Team Bella at 09/17/09 7:49 PM
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09/18/09
09/18/09
09/18/09
I feel like asking if a man can be a feminist is like asking if a white person can be a civil rights activist or something.
Most of the men I know are feminists whether they realise it or not.
09/18/09
Its kind of buried in the Jez piece, but XY is actively looking for submissions if any would be boy bloggers are interested.
09/18/09
09/18/09
Also, in terms of equality and self-awareness of bias: how many uses of the word "men" here were understood to refer specifically to straight men, but weren't qualified as such, thereby lumping everyone male into the same broad category?
09/17/09
Obviously, there is much work to be done.
09/17/09
09/17/09
09/17/09
Duh.
09/17/09
Having said that, my struggles with men and the mechanics of equality tend to be less about equal pay for equal time (and that sort of thing) and more about relationship dynamics. Like, for instance, why am I so often the only person in the relationship willing to work on the relationship? Why am I expected to do all the emotional heavy lifting and adjust to HIS priorities? Why do we always acclimate to his schedule and never to mine? I am thankful that my boyfriends have been pro-equality, but for me, it's such a complicated issue, because the men who identify as feminists are so frequently the ones who refuse to negotiate the nitty gritty of an equitable relationship.
09/17/09
09/17/09
09/17/09
09/17/09
I try to understand
he said
what will you undertake
she said
will you punish me for history
he said
what will you undertake
she said
"From an Old House in America"
09/17/09
Yes.
09/17/09
09/17/09
That said, I'm with the OP. If a dude who works against sexist and checks his own privilege wants to call himself a feminist, I am more than happy to welcome him to the club. Fighting sexism is hard, yo, and we need all the help we can get.
09/17/09
To ask all of us, how would we feel if women were the entitled sex?
Part of me says that's wrong somehow. But I know that long after I considered myself a feminist, there were still very sexist aspects to me that I did not know were there until something came along & made me uncomfortable & I was forced to ask myself why it bothered me so much.