Jezebel 
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New York, 4:53 PM
Mon Nov 30
35 posts in the last 24 hours
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11/10/09
The pressure for young men to conform to masculine ideals and perpetuate patriarchy is astounding, and I'm so glad that it is finally being realized. The box of masculinity is so much more strict than that of femininity its frightening- women can go outside of gender roles while it is much more difficult for men. (I would also like to add that I do not agree with the ideas of femininity and masculinity, as gender is just a social construct- I'm referring to colloquial ideas pertaining to each gender, not how life should be.) #masculinity
11/10/09
Honest question. #masculinity
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The next time he went out with her, he noticed it again.
Then he went out with my mom. And then with me. And he noticed it happening everywhere.
It completely grossed him out. It had never occurred to him, I guess. Even though we all shrugged it off.
Besides the fact that he now insists on walking us to the bathrooms in crowded restaurants, I think it's little things like this that really point out that men probably don't even think about these things. And how scary that really is. #masculinity
11/10/09
They also almost always get bogged down in the belief that the ideal of manhood peaked around 1955. Read through GQ (or Esquire, for that matter), or even blogs like 1001 Rules For My Unborn Son and The Art Of Manliness, and you'll quickly catch the pattern.
They can make as many nods towards modernity and equality as they want, but if your ideal man is still centered on a strong-but-silent heterosexual provider who "controls" his emotions, you're going to run into problems eventually.
And even if you do come up with a totally modern definition, what's the point? Why does there need to exist a single concept of what manhood is? Role models shouldn't be showing people how to act like the epitome of their specific gender/race/whatever; role models should be showing how to be a good person.
After all, what's the difference between Steven Colbert and Amy Poehler as role models? Both display the same values--intelligence, confidence, humor, respect for others, open-mindedness, and so on. Audiences will naturally identify with role models similar to themselves, so men will tend to look to Colbert and women to Poehler, but they're seeing the same things--not how to be a good man or a good woman, but a good person.
So yeah, we do need more male role models who don't have a toxic view of women, but not because we need a new standard of masculinity. #masculinity
11/10/09
11/10/09
+They like their women strong and opinionated.
+They like to cook and clean.
And they are often mysognistic. And sexist. And defintely products of the Patriarchy. They reap the rewards of being men and, from what I can tell, have no plans to relinquish their privilege.
Just because your dad, brother, or male partner is "cool" doesn't mean he's a feminist. It means he's not a dick. There's a huuuge difference. My dad, brothers, and boyfriend are not dicks. They're very lovely, actually. But they're definitely NOT feminists or redefining masculinity in any way. Feminists have raised the bar on what it means to be a Strong Woman. We would do well to raise the bar on what it means to be a Good Man. Being nice and cool and sweet ain't good enough. #masculinity
11/10/09
11/10/09
YES. the problem isn't masculinity needing to be redefined. masculinity is always defined as being in opposition to femininity, regardless of how you construct it. the problem is the gender binary, and the opressive constrictions it places around the individual's ability to self-define.
having the paradigm fall away altogether would actually be a good thing; deterritorialization, anyone? could the lack of a cohesive narrative of masculinity signal a line of flight? for all you philosophy/theory nerds out there the fall of the gender binary might create a Body Without Organs. sexuality could actually become a project, then. (Deleuze+Guattari, you guys.)
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And I think Benjamin Button disease might actually explain Tucker Max... as he is a giant baby, after all....
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And then there's my boyfriend, who more than once I have told, "If more men thought like you, the world would be a better place." 1) He doesn't lust after every attractive woman he sees and he thinks it's pathetic and unhealty the way men can turn into drooling idiots over a big pair of tits. "You shouldn't let anything control your life like that." This, by the way, was his reaction to that massacre at the women's gym-- he said that guy "poisoned" himself with his mindless lust and entitlement. 2) He believes women are "better at sex" than men (because of multiple orgasms and shorter refractory periods), so men should focus on making sure their partner has the greatest amount of pleasure possible. "I know I'll come somewhere along the way, so I'd rather focus on helping my partner achieve climax rather than myself." 3) By extension, he is effectively incapable of rape. "I could never even touch a woman unless I know she would enjoy it." The idea of date rape-- drugged or drunk-- or even consensual bondage turns him off, because "I want my partner to be free to respond-- and reciprocate!" 4) He prefers sex within relationships, because it takes a some time to establish sexual compatibility, but once you do, the sex is infinitely better than it is in one-night stands. 5) He LOVES smart women. "Looks don't last forever, and it's really pathetic to meet a woman in her forties who has nothing to say." He'd much rather spend time with a "fat girl" who's developed her mind and has interests beyond fashion and make-up. 6) Nevertheless, he is unashamedly INTO fashion, men's and women's. He is undoubtedly the best-dressed man in any room he's in, and as a result, he commands attention and respect. He gleefully flips through Vogue, but he does it critically, praising the clothes that flatter a woman's unique figure ("Women are beautiful. Only the clothes are ugly.") 6) In fact, in general, he's not concerned about "seeming gay." He's not at all homophobic either. "Either you are or you aren't and just go do what you want." He acknowledges masculine attractiveness and appreciates it-- how else is he supposed to make himself look good?
I could go on, but I think you've got the point. #masculinity
11/10/09
He sounds like a really great person (and to berzi, you're a judgmental jerk, there is no reason to assume he is gay, assuming the commenter is a woman, which we are). #masculinity
11/10/09
(Please ignore the whole "Superman sure tricked that dame Lois!" angle from the Silver Age!) #masculinity
11/10/09
Okay, I think that site is hilarious.
In all seriousness, I think Superman is too perfect. He's like a giant incarnation of Boy Scout rules. I can see where he would be a great role model, but I personally find him very off-putting. #masculinity
11/11/09
@SUNNY1 complaining about genre conventions is silly. Why doesn't a criminal shoot Batman & be done with it? Why doesn't Lex Luthor use a Kryptonite bullet with a lead jacket? Why wear capes?
Well, because it is fiction. Is why. So you might be required to suspend your disbelief. #masculinity
11/11/09
I personally dislike the character, mostly because I find him exceedingly dull. He's over 70 years old, and is the icon for superhero comics. You really can't change him in any way, because that's like... I don't know, violating all the memories of the readers and collective memory of who Supes really is. I mean, people freaked over him having longish hair once, and changing the color of the background of his "S" symbol, which weren't even personality changes.
I realize that it's a limitation of fame, print media, and writing, but it's still frustrating to me to read a comic, knowing nothing will change, because it can't. That doesn't really relate to your model of masculinity, but is part of the reason I guess I don't like Superman, which is kindof irrelevant.
So, back on point: especially for young boys, I think that Superman could serve as a very good role model, especially if framed in the light that you've given. #masculinity
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11/10/09
After a horrible history of dating super controlling men (what is up with that, bad SgtMelbaToast!) my current partner is very much like my dad in that he is a very gentle and nurturing person who just does his own thing, can take care of himself, and has his own likes and dislikes regardless of whether they are percieved as masculine or feminine. He grew up with strong women in his life and it never ocurred to him to view women as less than people or as other. It isn't a political stance or bid for recognition as a 'good guy', he's just a nice human being and is himself. He isn't always perfect, but he is open when I explain why something he didn't pick up on is problematic. Sometimes I wish he were more political as a feminist like I am, deconstructing left and right and having rightous anger, but it is important for me to remember that just being yourself and being a good person for yourself and your loved ones in the face of gender roles that tell you you should be otherwise can be an incredibly positive force in the world and a freeing example to others. #masculinity
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