Jezebel: wuthering heights

Portman Muscles In On Knightley's Period-Piece Turf

maria — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 13:30:00 EDT

Sometimes it isn't just the starlets who get stuck with the stereotypical parts in films. Serious Actresses can get stuck with stupid shit too, especially since most aren't getting lead roles anytime soon! In the latest round-up of new castings in Hollywood, Natalie Portman sets her sights on an adaptation of Wuthering Heights and Marcia Gay Harden is set to star in a sure-to-be-cancelled new drama series on CBS about journalists who help save the world. Also in the mix, two well-known Spanish actresses lower themselves to supporting roles in American films, but the good news is they are probably getting paid more than they did in any starring role in their Spanish films. More on the latest hookers, victims and doormats in Hollywood, after the jump.

•Natalie Portman, Wuthering Heights: Portman is slated to play Catherine Earnshaw, the female lead, in this new adaptation of Emily Bronte's novel. Catherine is in love with her adopted brother, Heathcliff, but marries a more suitable man and is then driven to madness over her decision. Verdict: Catherine is a variation of a hooker, marrying for stability and then being punished for it.

•Elsa Pataky, Giallo: Spanish actress Pataky (who is perhaps better known to American audiences as Adrien Brody's girlfriend) is set to play Celine, the kidnapped sister of an American flight attendant. Verdict: Beautiful kidnapped woman? Victim, duh.

•Marcia Gay Harden, The Tower: In this new CBS drama, Harden will star as a millionaire who buys a newspaper where the journalists not only break stories but also solve mysteries! Verdict: The plot might sound a bit boring, but Harden's character might come out OK, for the time being.

•Paz Vega, Triage: Vega, from Talk to Her and Spanglish, will play the girlfriend of a a colleague of Mark (Colin Farrel), a photojournalist, who investigates the mysterious disappearance of her boyfriend. Verdict: While the details are skimpy, the tragic girlfriend character just screams "Victim."

Two Female Leads [XKCD]
Portman Set For 'Wuthering Heights'[Variety]
Adrien Brody To Topline 'Giallo'[THR]
Harden, Logue Pick Pilot Projects[Variety]
Colin Farrell Makes Three For 'Triage' [THR]

A first edition copy of Emily Bronte's Wuthering ...

Jennifer — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 17:20:00 EST

A first edition copy of Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights sold for $236,255 in auction in London today. The unnamed buyer is apparently a career Bronte collector. Which gives us reason to believe that the buyer was not our ex-boyfriend, who still owes us a birthday present. [Guardian]

We Hate It When A Boy Breaks Up With Us & We Die Of Consumption

Jennifer — Fri, 26 Oct 2007 19:00:48 EDT

A few years ago we were really really sick. Everything's all cool now, but to make us feel better, a friend of ours told us that we were a Jane Austen heroine and that we merely had a case of consumption as a result of broken heart. It was fun to practice a consumptive cough and fan ourselves. But we got to thinking, how is it that all these Austen heroines and the like would die out of the blue in these novels, seemingly over nothing more than some boy being all douchey and making them sorta sad? Boys have made us sad, but we're not dead yet! Recently the good folks over at the BBC brought in a team of physicians to evaluate the ills of 19th century literary heroines. Their reports, after the jump.

Marianne Dashwood, Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility:
Symptoms: "swooning and not eating," "life threatening fever...caused...[by] tripping through wet grass," "putrid tendency"
The doc says: "typhus" and "streptococcal sore throat, followed by septicaemia"
We say: Girl was just being one of those bitches we hate who say their whole lives are over because a boy who they never even had a real relationship with dumped her. And whatever, she moved on from Willoughby to that old Colonel in like no time at all. Just needs to pull it together.

Cathy Earnshaw, Emily Bronte's Wuthering Heights:
Symptoms: "dies in childbirth (having starved herself) and then proceeds to haunt everyone"
The doc says: "The one thing that everyone knows about the Bronte family is that there was a virtual holocaust of TB among them."
We say: Um, TB doesn't make you die in childbirth. Nor does it make you into a ghost. Cathy luvs Heathcliff 4eva!

Lady Honoria Dedlock, Charles Dickens' Bleak House:
Symptoms: "Lady Dedlock too dies of smallpox, coincidentally after having walked from London to St Albans, having picked up some "deadly stains" on her bustle whilst rambling in a graveyard the best part of two years earlier."
The doc says: "The incubation period for smallpox is however a matter of days...She can't have died of a 20 mile walk, even if her shoes did get sodden."
We say: This is the one book we skipped and lied our way through when we took 19th century European lit in college. Our professor was really mean and we though this book seemed boring. Sorry, Dickens. We have no idea why this lady died.

Why Heroines Die In Classic Fiction [BBC]