1:52: "Everyone around me speaking Portuguese." 1:52: "I mean Brazilians galore." 2:17: "Ivana Trump is here." 2:18: "With hot young boyfriend." 2:19: "By the way, yesterday at Baby Phat was also Ivana not Ivanka. I think my brain was fried." 2:20: "Mena Suvari just sat down. Her earrings are huge but mine would be too if my hair was that short." 2:22: "Nigel Barker! So tall, so beautiful. Sigh." 2:23: "Um, older rock star, maybe Nikki Sixx?" 2:26: "JC Chasez is here LOL." 2:28: "Ooh, the old guy with walking stick and hat, I heart him. he is wearing plaid zoot suit pants." 2:37: "I was allowed to move closer, yay." 2:38: "Daisy Fuentes?" 2:40: Someone who may or may not be Joy Bryant." 2:48: "It's starting." 2:49: "The music is Brazilian of course." 2:50: "Okay, this one has a copper rib piece on outside like she was attacked by that thing from alien." 2:51: "Jesus, the bottoms of these suits are small." 2:52: "Color-blocked one piece with molded strapless cups, not so bad." 2:53: "Another suit with, like, plastic and metal scraps and shapes down the front WTF. I don't think you can go in the water." 2:54: "These old fashion molded cups are freaking me out." 2:55: "Okay one suit has abstract shark face on it, haha. Um, one lone dress just went by." 2:56: "Okay another color block dress. White suit twisted in front with um a crystal covered cape attached." 2:57: A futuristic suit with metal pieces." 2:58: "I feel like really confused." 2:59: "Black model in hot yellow suit. Best thing I have seen so far." 3:00: "Green bikini with pointy cups. I really don't even have words to describe what I am seeing." 3:02: "One white suit had spider web cut-outs on side." 3:03: "It's over. It was kind of like a joke from Zoolander."

12:53: "There is one model with the most self satisfied smirk. As if she couldn't, at any minute, fall right down on her clavicle and die. Yeah, so your dress is pretty guess what you CAN'T TAKE IT WITH YOU!" 12:56: "And I would be lying if I said the dresses weren't almost universally gorgeous. I would be telling you sweet little lies. Because they are. These dresses are disgustingly beautiful. This is where the dilemma would come in for me, I guess, if I had gazillions of dollars. The pallette is very Crayola markers "bold" collection, which have always been my favorite colors, and the detailing is gorge. Ok, now over. Heavy sigh." 12:58: "Malan is here. He's gotta be creaming himself over those sleeves." 1:00: "Half the seats have Japanese names. Malandrino is Japanese! It makes so much sense now. Wow. You really can't begrudge the Japanese their painstakingly beautiful clothes. They gave us the fuel efficient car! And the Nintendo Wii." 1:08: "Kidding of course. I don't think Malandrino is Japanese. Is it? Looking at front row seat names. Irina Mikhailovskaya of Elle Russia... Nikolaus Albrecht of German Glamour. The world = so small! Ok, one more thing. I forgot to mention the music. It is super dramatic orchestral, reminding me of Bjork's "Homogenic" album, the only music that ever made me think I could become a pothead. It is rich and dramatic and perfect for the dresses, so you feel sort of like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman when she watches the opera scene: Like, oh! I get how people think this is EMOTIONAL and shit. Like it is ART. Because it is art, when you forget how it all gets corrupted and huckstered by the whole commerce thing."

6:34: "Should we put bets on when this will start? I think never." 6:34: "Nick Cannon. In a hoodie, with like, Hawaiian flowers, WTF." 6:43: There is a search for the next Pussycat Doll and a cheetah girl." 6:43: "Animal names are the new black." 6:44: "I'm tired." 6:45: I wonder if Kimora only plays Def Jam artists." 6:46: "For solidarity with husband who is dating someone else." 6:46: "Shit my cousin works for Kimora she'll be mad if I say bad things, haha." 6:51: "Maybe Moe can bring me a drink." 6:55: "Jamie Lynn Siegler." 6:56: "Star Jones, Danyel Smith from Vibe." 7:02: "Russell Simmons!" 7:05: "Djimon Hounsou!!!" [Uh-oh. -Ed.] 7:06: "It started. Swimsuits!" 7:06: "Bright blue top with yellow short shorts." 7:07: "Striped tank with white jeans. Yummy male models." 7:08: "It's very bright, very beachy." 7:09: "I don't like the big gold bags but I do like the slinky white jumpsuit." 7:10: "Um, these shorts are mad short." 7:11: "Giant gold bag." "Boys' shorts have glitter???" 7:13: "I think this is all Baby Phat and then KLS? Wow hot blue mini dress." 7:14: "Strapless and belted in electric blue. This is def not Baby Phat. Way more grown up. 7:15: "Pretty halter dress a green bodice and floaty yellow skirt." 7:16: "But also some tight and short stuff. I just noticed Megan Fox in the front row." 7:17: "Wow, long black gown. More wow long hot pink gown, seriously stunning." 7:18: "Not sure if this purple thing is a top or dress I mean, model has no pants but OMG." 7:19: "Rainbow ombre gown meh. Sides are cut out." 7:19: "Oh, hot pink caftan! Floor length! Love." 7:25: "It's over. Kimora and daughers came out to bow. They walked over to Russ. Now Russell & Djimon just went backstage." 7:26: "I'm gonna go in search of booze."

Moe: 6:47: "No signs of show. But we are seated! A logistical quirk: getting to my seat required stepping on feet of numerous front row seat occupants. "OMG I'm so sorry! So sorry!" "No really, it's okay" there's a mystery head of crazyhair I keep passing, decked out in the type of outfit I'd only ever witnessed on Macy Gray. But the hair is so huge I never see her face. I'm convinced it HAS to be Macy Gray, even though I never imagined Macy Gray would be 6 foot 2. Is that racist? Anyway, Mary J Blige is in row 1 and I think I smashed her toe but was too mortified to look back. We are seated beside the Rocky Mountain News." 6:58: "Lenny Kravitz just walked in in a plaid western shirt and sunglasses, followed by an anonymous blond, followed by, Lenny Kravitz in a plaid western shirt and sunglasses. Is this an optical illusion? My friend says she sees it. They're now posing with Q-Tip?" 7:06: "Ok, swimwear. These are that type of swimsuits that have so little fabric they'd make a stripper feel immodest but it's okay because there's more surface area covered up by your actual jewels than jewel toned Lycra." 7:08: "Omg white male Abercrombie type models in rhinestone hoodies... Hahahahaha" 7:10: "The cool thing about Baby Phat...ASIAN MALE MODEL ALERT! Holy shit hot ok... As I was saying, the cool thing about baby phat is that, like, girls who wear shit like this actually walk like that. Hahaha white abercrombie model now being forced to wear rhinestone studded denim shorts." 7:14: "Typical ensemble: hot pink denim jean jacket, buttoned, with puffed sleeves and blue graphic on back, bedecked in gold studs and doodads, paired with a hot pink denim mini, bedecked with same studs and accented with an array of gold chains. Modeled to the song "Roxanne." unironically. I mean, no yeah: unironically." 7:14: "Something tells me models are wearing extensions. Just a little something." 7:16: "A woman emerged in a flowing magenta gown accented with a two and a half inch rhinestone belt. I laughed. It just came out. Woman next to me looked profoundly confused." 7:21: "Maybe it was the Fembot Fatale cocktail (clementine vodka, tonic, grenadine, OJ and ginger) but this is the first show. I actually wished was longer. KIMORA is coming out! Whoa she's been master cleansing. Could not see kiddies. God that was good. " 7:22: "One model, blond in royal blue dress that was literally so short she had to walk with her hands practically glued to the hemline. LOL."

2:53: "Ah! There's a screen outside. Why can't there be a CSPAN channel for this so I don't have to leave my hotel room? It would be like C-SPAN 2, only more boring. Look, Carine Roitfeld! My she has poor posture. Just like us! Clothes are meh. Silky shiny white cream white white beige... Belts, wide leg pants, flowy flowy all the trends blah blah. All the details are subtle and silhouettes clean, clothes I would wear if I wore white. Or bought clothes. All models look same and white as BCBG models with 90% less makeup, hair in ponytails. "wow that was really minimalist!" exclaims a spectator. OMG I'm envisioning a C-Span of fashion shows with a call in program. What would they say? 'That was so minimalist! That model needs Proactiv!' Only fashion week can make you appreciate the crazies who call up C-Span..."

11:43: "Velvet frock coat in bright henna." 11:44: "Sequins! On baby-doll dresses and cropped collarless jackets. Really sweet patterned sundresses." 11:45: "Gorgeous black dress that looks like ribbons. Comes in white too." 11:46: "Lavender bikini with matching parasol!" 11:47: "Foxy navy swimsuit cover-up. Also: These parasols are amazing. They're embroidered." 11:48: "Khaki dress not so great." 11:49: "Ooh, cherry v-neck dress so cute. Stevie Wonder's 'Golden Lady' is playing." 11:50: "Yellow halter dress with ruffles. 11:51: "Bikini top with matching full skirt in soft cherry-red pattern." 11:52: "Super foxy plunge v-neck dress with ladylike sleeves. White jumpsuit with huge white hat." 11:53: "That was like having a refreshing bowl of sorbet!"

9:39: "Also in standing room: Sharon, Kitty and Winki, all designers for Ports. Do designers usually stand in standing room? I guess they don't need to be up close to appreciate the fine detailing of the clothes they just designed. They all live in Xiamen. Um, African music and first two models are black. Make that first THREE! It is the anti BCBG." 9:43: "Okay, so these clothes are predominantly for Chinese customers, as this is, as far as I know, the leading luxury brand in China or something. And there are totally some chintzy looking if expensive fabrics and retarded details I can see going over well in China. But on black models, and most of them are black, they look super classy." 9:47: "Now music is Moroccan. All colors are neutrals, which is nice. China can be a little florid color happy on account of all those years in navy and army green. ALEK WEK?!" 9:51: "Oh man, ugliest dress ever. There's a definite line between dresses where someone laid down the law and said "enough with the cutesey little details" and the ones where they were just like, "eh, fuck it, the last time we covered a dress in pom poms and rosettes it sold HUGE in Hong Kong." 9:52: "Wow. Show ended, and when lead designer came out, the crowd went wild. That didn't happen at Nicole Miller."

7:55: "Outside I ran into a girl from Boston Magazine who recognized me. She reminded me it is now Boston Fashion week. We would be so front row at that."

Images from the show coming soon.