As we suspected, your worst travel stories involve far more than TSA pat-downs and long tarmac waits. Herewith, your tales of masturbation, voyeurism, and trombones in transit — just in time to make a run-of-the-mill holiday delay feel almost pleasant.

What with body scans and TSA gropings, this promises to be an especially hellish holiday travel season. But travel has always been an opportunity for horrible and/or hilarious mishaps, and now we want to hear about yours.