A Sampling of the Gross Shit That Has Happened to My Body Since I Started Running

The first time I wondered if I was possibly doing something wrong was when, while watching TV, I absently reached down to the second toe on my right foot and realized that my entire toenail had detached itself and was hanging on by the thinnest of cuticles, like a dingy white flag. I pulled it off painlessly and… »10/09/15 1:10pm10/09/15 1:10pm


How to Become a Runner in 14 Easy Steps

One frozen January evening in 2010, I shoved a pair of pajama shorts, a decade-old sports bra, worn-down sneakers, and an 8-year-old tee shirt from a dorm dance into a backpack and trudged through the Chicago winter to the nearest gym. I mounted a treadmill, suddenly aware that I’d never been on a treadmill before. I… »9/30/15 1:48pm9/30/15 1:48pm

Gym-Going Man Knows Exactly How to Hit On Women at the Gym

For those of you who wish you could workout in peace without being interrupted by an, "Excuse me: has anyone ever told you (fill in the blank)" by a well-intentioned but clueless man who just ruined your workout and/or day, rejoice, for a seminal, satirical guide on how to chat to women at the gym awaits, written by a… »3/23/15 7:00pm3/23/15 7:00pm

Nobody Wants to Buy Victoria's Secret's Dumb 'Sexy' Sports Bras

Last year, Victoria's Secret announced a new frontier in tit innovation: sports bras that don't squish boobs down like other, shitty sports bras that actually serve the function they're designed to serve. The boobologists at VS were going to push sexy sports bras, for the woman who can't even for a second bear the… »5/05/14 4:40pm5/05/14 4:40pm

Weird-Ass Equinox Ads Do Not Make You Want to Go to the Gym

If you're not among the denizens of a smattering of major US cities (or Toronto), chances are you've been spared the confuzzling weirdness that are ads for Equinox gyms. Last year, they demanded to know if I was "skinny-fat," which is 100% not a thing, and now, they're implying that working out there can make you… »1/14/14 3:05pm1/14/14 3:05pm

Yoga Isn't 'For Ladies' and Weights Aren't 'For Men'

Women make up slightly less than half of the NFL's fanbase. They're going to college in larger numbers than men. They're the Senators grabbing the legislative branch by the collar and dragging the country away from fiscal precipice. And yet! it's still weird for us when we try to use the weight room at a new gym.… »10/24/13 11:04am10/24/13 11:04am

In the U.K., It Gets Easier to Admit You're Never Going Back to the Gym

When I was in college, my best friend joined Bally's Total Fitness. After signing her life away for a plastic water bottle and the promise of a six pack, she quickly realized that she wasn't about to drag her ass across town to spend her mornings running to nowhere. She tried everything to get out of the… »9/11/13 9:30am9/11/13 9:30am

The Super Sad Post-Heartbreak Workout Is Not Actually Sad At All

One silver lining of getting your feelings stomped all over, is that post-heartbreak, people tend to be forgiving if you must cope by acting like a shithead for awhile. And while there are plenty of ways to act like a self-destructive mess in the wake of a traumatic life event — drinking excessively, crying… »9/09/13 4:00pm9/09/13 4:00pm

Fitness Apps Are Telling Everyone About How Bad You Suck at Sports

It sounds like a great idea with no downside— a virtual coach that a person inspired to be fit (sigh, fine: "FITSPIRED PERSON") can download onto their phone for very little cost that helps them keep track of workouts and progress over time. Everyone's healthy! Everyone's happy! Everyone's organized! Except, as one… »9/03/13 6:40pm9/03/13 6:40pm

Strong Is Not 'The New Skinny' Because Women Don't Need a 'New Skinny'

Today's New York Post profiles a 24-year-old ex-dancer who traded intense cardio workouts and self-deprivation for intense resistance workouts and weight lifting, gaining 20 lbs of pure muscle meat in the process. She's never felt better, she says. She's happy with her body and she feels totally awesome. STRONG IS… »8/15/13 6:00pm8/15/13 6:00pm

Stiletto Workouts: Finally, a Way to Get Skinny and Break Your Foot Bones

Here's a thing I won't be doing in 2013: Stiletto workouts, the technically-still-a-virgin-if- you-don't-count-in-the-butt cousin of the pole dancing workout. The minds behind the workout claim it's "empowering," which I suppose it kind of is, if you're the sort of person who is empowered by thongs with sassy sayings… »12/28/12 4:50pm12/28/12 4:50pm