Meet Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal! He's the frontrunner to be the running mate to the presidential candidate closest to death, so it will surely please you to know that, in his brief 36-year life, he has endured many difficult things, including the presence of SATAN HIMSELF. Well, it was either Satan, or a…
Fox is the only news channel that gets any audio on my cable box. This is something, like the interminable nature of this campaign, I generally regard as a negative. But yesterday I had a revelation. See, Hillary Clinton just went on Bill O'Reilly, and when they aren't rerunning clips of the really boring interview,…
Potential First Lady/onetime pill-popper Cindy McCain hit up Leno last night, appearing elegant in a canary-yellow pantsuit (shades of Hillary?) and eager to talk about her husband's candidacy, including concern over his advanced age and her family's reaction to his repeated presidential run. Cindy was agreeable…
In which we adopt the persona of Women's Voices. Women Vote robocaller and misinformation chief Lamont Williams, if he only had a voice.
Yo voters, this is , calling because you need to register to vote. Oh really? You already registered? But did you ever receive the ? Did you send in the detailed form? Because we…
Surely you've heard by now but we'll pat our aching, aging backs one more time because we're just so elated — America is NOT IN A RECESSION! The American Gross Domestic Product actually grew last quarter, which was a huge disappointment to the whining Marxist doomsayers so intent on making Americans forget they are…
Writer Anne Lamott — whose 1994 book Bird by Bird is well-known and much-loved by millions of frustrated, (mostly female?) writers — appeared in all her dreadlocked-glory on last night's Colbert Report to plug her new book Grace, Eventually, and talk politics, Sunday school, Jeremiah Wright and the fact that God is a…
Dear Osama Bin Laden's former driver Salim Hamdan: you had the right idea, sleeping through your court appearance this morning. Seven years you've resided in Guantanamo, yet somehow the Pyrrhic victories you score against the idiocracy do not cease. You won a Supreme Court case against one of the most loathed men in…
Today, TheRoot made the courageous call no other news outlet, mainstream or meme-stream, has had the foresight (or clear-eyed grasp of the myriad complexities of the current era) to do, and penned an open letter to Michelle Obama requesting an indulgence so Barack can have a fucking cigarette."Think about the pure…
Gaiety! Bacchanalia! Food shortages! The White House Correspondents Dinner happened over the weekend. "One of the most hideous events I've ever been to," decreed Ruper Everett (of the cinematic gem The Next-Best Thing. Megan went. So did Heidi and Spencer and Pete Wentz. Megan recognized Donatella Versace, but not…
Here's a ray of sunshine to anyone who ever wondered if their massive personal reserves of good karma were never going to amount to anything: the Dalai Lama just scored a meeting with the government that excommunicated him in 1959! Oh sure, and the cops who killed that nice unarmed electrician the day before his…
We still don't know who those Abercrombie-wearing toolbelts at the Barack Obama speech were. But we do, thanks to the media's dogged refusal to back away from this story, know they weren't sent by Abercrombie & Fitch. Employees of the world's worst company only gave a total of $500 to the Obama campaign, and that was…
Like most first daughters (and humans) Jenna Bush has yo-yoed over the years, and everyone likes to deprive themselves in advance of nuptials. But this pic from the May Vogue sounded all our internal "Holy Liquefy!" alarms. So we collected a bunch of recent Jenna pics and leave the fat content Kremlinology to you:…
They are known to let dead people come back to vote for ward leader in Philadelphia, but when I arrived at my polling place of the last two elections yesterday, I found my name mysteriously removed from the rolls. My friend and South Philadelphia homeowner Ryan, meanwhile, got turned away for not being a Democrat,…
Someone recently directed our attention to a service called "Why Was I Dissed", which claims to help achieve relationship closure by email-harassing "that guy who disappeared" into confessing the reason for his disappearance. But why torture ourselves (and "that guy") when we can learn the truth from the missives of…
Readers, this campaign season we've borne witness to many things. The rebirth of the word "trollop" and Ann Coulter endorsing Hillary...Geraldine Ferrarro fell victim to racism, and now Bill Clinton telling us Obama used their vast race card conspiracy against him too; he's got memos to prove it. We've learned about…
Megan and I are convening in Murderdelphia tonight for tomorrow's Pennsylvania primary! This morning a seven-alarm fire reminded everyone once more there used to be an economy there. Now there are too many vacant buildings and not enough crackheads to fill them. Five murders happened over the weekend in Philly.…
You know how the American public is sick of "politics as usual"? Well so yesterday I had a feeling I wanted to stay away from the Democratic Primary debate in Pennsylvania but it seems like Charlie Gibson and George Stephanopoulos were determined to poison me anyway and somewhere between Bosnia and Bittergate and a…
Why can't more rich people be like Cindy McCain? Not with the strumpet makeup, I mean, but with the white guilt? Today a LA Times profile made us officially decide to like Cindy, who grew up a rich spoiled rodeo queen cheerleader in Phoenix and then one day went on a scuba trip and came back a crying, caring…
Happy Tax Day, Jezebels! God it is depressing today. We decided to read that lengthy Atlantic piece about Bill Cosby's haterist theories and got depressed about Bill Cosby being depressed about black people. Then we got depressed that the story devoted all of a sentence to allegations Bill Cosby had sexually assaulted…
A story in Saturday's Wall Street Journal offers something of a preamble to the final chapter of the American Apparel narrative. There are companies that are more interesting and innovative than American Apparel, but none that captures the entire story of the American Economy, What The Fuck Happened Dept. so quickly…
