Jezebel 
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New York, 6:52 AM
Sun Nov 29
17 posts in the last 24 hours
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10/28/09
It's powerful to think of how selfless these women were. They could have polarized and said to younger generations, "WE did this, what did YOU do?" I feel like they graciously gave future women this gift of not having to always prove ourselves or fight for a position in the world & all they wanted in return was for us to continue being amazing, trying our hardest, taking every opportunity that we're presented with and making feminism a part of us & our every interaction. #gailcollins
10/28/09
Shouldn't that be 50 years? #gailcollins
10/28/09
10/28/09
He, while usually a pretty reasonable guy, basically accused me of trying to strike a blow for women's rights and in doing so possibly losing out on the contract, or insulting the recruiter, or... I don't know. Bottom line, he seems to think I should've buckled immediately, despite knowing that there's more money on the table and the recruiter's being a shit. Specifically, he said I'm letting feminist leanings interfere with practicality, as though they're distinct elements rather than entwined.
It's been a frustrating evening, and when my own very progressive father can parrot back the "take what you can get, girlie" line at me, it's quite the wake-up call. #gailcollins
10/27/09
Scene: Bf and I in elevator after putting up the laundry in our building. Girl with basket ~ same size as herself full of folded laundry walks in. She pushes button despite huge basket bc of proximity to buttons.
Bf: Oh, I'm so sorry. You should have let me get it.
Girl w laundry: It's ok! It's good for me.
Bf: Ah well, I'm sorry.
Girl: I'm just here staying with my boyfriend. I do his laundry for him, kind of clean up... you know, stuff like that. [cue beaming smile]
Bf and me: [polite chuckle and nod.] Oh, that's nice... have a good night!
[girl gets off on her floor.]
Me: Never. Not in a million years. Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Bf: Trust me, I know! That's actually kind of sad.
-------------------------
Now, I can believe that some people genuinely get a kick out of housework and a job well done, but I mean, jeez, really? You're the for-free laundry/housekeeping service? It made my head hurt. #gailcollins
10/27/09
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10/27/09
My options in my home with my male housemate (NOT a significant other) are thus:
1. Be the "housekeeper".
2. Get used to a sticky kitchen counter, dust everywhere, a bathtub with an inch of grime, and shaving clippings all over the sink.
I'm sure my housemate would say we just have different standards of cleanliness. Whereas I would say we have different standards of how our actions affect others. It's not a question of cleanliness. It's a question of being RUDE. By not taking care of a space you share with another human being. And we have collectively as a society encouraged men to be RUDE (not all of them -- my BF is clean and considerate) by allowing them to believe this idea that women just like things to be clean more than they do. #gailcollins
10/27/09
Have you raised it with him at all? #gailcollins
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10/27/09
If I absolutely need to get the wrinkles out of something, (right here is the technical part) can I invest in a clothes steamer? It looks so much easier. And less dangerous.
Perhaps I should just Teflon-coat all my clothes. #gailcollins
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10/27/09
It just knocks me out that throughout recorded history people believed that women couldn't do stuff and women were inferior. And this ended in my lifetime!
Especially taken among other claims here, it seems she's a shade away from Palin territory when it comes to gender-discrimination denial. That someone who works for a newspaper, one the publishes the expository work of Nicholas Kristof among others, wouldn't realize this thinking has not ended at all is incredibly disturbing.
One of the less important points to be sure, but what especially sticks out to me because I just faced the question is her thinking on marital name change. I chose to keep my name because I am my own person; I haven't changed; I'm not my husband's property and we are married as equals. I felt, for me personally, that both of us maintaining our names declares this. I take pride in seeing "Ms." on my mail. That bit about the mailman is troubling. I'd have raised hell at that post office such as they'd never have seen before. #gailcollins
10/27/09
10/27/09
This part drives me crazy:
Like, we walked 50 miles and we couldn't wear slacks. And you just don't care! And partly, given the transformation that the world has made, the idea that right now a generation of young women has come into the world without thinking that they can be constrained by their gender—it's such a neat idea I'm perfectly happy to celebrate it.
It's such a neat idea? It's not even a true idea!
I think the female commenters on this site represent a cross-section that is probably wealthier, more educated and more self-aware than the "average" women (I don't know this to be true, just likening the demographic to the "typical" lady mag) and EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. we are asked questions as to whether we feel we can ask for more money, or a promotion, or whether we think our bosses are assholes because we're women, we respond in a way that makes evident the fact that not only can we be constrained by our gender but we are constrained by our gender.
10/27/09
Well look! Women can be doctors now, we're lettin' y'all be equal! Why are you still complaining? #gailcollins
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You don't work in a male-dominated field, do you? #gailcollins
10/27/09
And by the by, dismissing my opinion by making an assumption about the kind of person I am and my experiences in the world is the kind of thing that drives these conversations to a grinding hault. I respect your POV, even if I don't agree. But I would appreciate the benefit of the doubt here. #gailcollins
10/27/09
It was a question. #gailcollins
10/28/09
"We've come so far!" is what people say when they're arguing that feminism is no longer necessary - that our work is done and we have nothing to complain about anymore. I'd rather not give them the ammunition. #gailcollins
10/27/09
Also, when I went to college, my mom told me "if you get a boyfriend, never do his laundry." She emphasized this as both a screening tool for eliminating man-children, as well as a setting of boundaries, being a girlfriend rather than a housekeeper. Of course, this doesn't apply to couples who live together and share housework, but I thought it was a brilliant guideline for young women in general. My dad, for the record, does laundry.
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10/27/09
It's called "Tumble Press". :) #gailcollins
10/27/09
"Do you want me to do it?" I asked.
He turned to me with the saddest face and said "Yes, please. I am so so sorry. I know what this means to you politically, and I am sorry."
Great interview!
10/27/09
10/28/09
The whole situation just made me grin. #gailcollins
10/27/09
And I believe attitudes towards name changing are a real (depressing) indicator of where we stand as a gender. #gailcollins
10/27/09
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10/27/09
If/when I get married, I fully intend it to be with a partner who shares equally in those "second shift" responsibilities and who is supportive of my career and personal goals. But if I were to marry my current boyfriend (which is a distinct possibility), I would take his name.
In my own case, I feel very little connection to my last name. I have my dad's name and he left when I was an infant. If I married my current boyfriend, he would be my family and the person I'm building a life with and I would feel more comfortable taking his name than keeping mine. I know its an unpopular choice among many feminists, but its the best decision for me personally.
Do I think there are women out there who take their husband's name because they feel pressured? Yes. But a lot might feel the same way I do, or might even just dislike their maiden name. I believe the personal is political, but in this case, I choose what feels right in my own situation over making a political statement.
That being said, "one of those women"? Really? STFU, ticket lady. #gailcollins
10/27/09
I think now I'd consider taking my wife's name to make a statement (although not an option if I were to marry my current gf since then I'd have the same name as her brother). #gailcollins
10/27/09
Why is it only women with crappy fathers? Or cumbersome surnames? It's not. But women are socialized to have very loose ties with their names, whilst boys/men are socialized to really own their names.
You could always take your mom's surname, or make up a new name with your husband. But even women with horrible fathers usually wait until another man (their husband) claims them and names them. It's not a coicidence. It's patriarchy, baby. #gailcollins
10/27/09
This is so true. I had a "holy shit" moment a few months back when I realized that I have had FOUR LAST NAMES in my life. I had the name I was born with, then my mother decided to change my last name when she married my stepdad, then I changed my last name when I married my ex-husband. I almost didn't change it again, because by that time I realized what a load of gendered horseshit this whole name changing thing was, but then I realized that meant I would be stuck with the last name of the man who had brutalized me for much of my adulthood, and that seemed even less desirable than changing my name yet again.
So I made the choice to change my last name to my husband's last name. Part of it was for the aforementioned reason, and part of it is because I wanted to be the first woman he was married to to share his last name (neither of his previous two wives took his name; he doesn't really care either way). But the whole thing is really so aggravating and frustrating when I think of it on a macro level. Should anything happen to my husband and I, I will not be changing my name again.
FOUR LAST NAMES. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK? #gailcollins
10/27/09
I didn't know that "the personal is political" had transitioned to being an unpopular opinion.
*adds to list* #gailcollins
10/27/09
But I think its reductive to say that taking your husband's name shouldn't be an option. If we support choice in all other areas of our lives (careers, childbearing, fashion choices, sex work), that are equally affected by the patriarchy, why not here? Its like saying that women shouldn't stay home to raise their children because their choice is influenced by the patriarchy and creates an expectation that all women should do the same. Feminism allows, and SHOULD allow, for the option to choose what is best for you.
I have no connection to my mother's maiden name and even less to one I would make up to share with my husband. In our discussions about this, boyfriend has offered to take my name or hyphenate but I would rather take his because I associate my last name with an unpleasant childhood and his sounds better with my first name. If I loved my last name, I would definitely keep it, and if my boyfriend had the same issues with his name, we wouldn't take his.
I made this decision not because I'm waiting to be "claimed and named", or because I'm letting my husband define who I am, but because its what I wanted to do. And having that choice is more important than feeling pressured to do what the patriarchy or anyone else expects me to. #gailcollins
10/27/09
10/28/09
10/28/09
(I swear I'm not trying to troll. The kids' last name thing has always confused me.) #gailcollins
10/28/09
10/27/09
Do women just marry slobs, or do men get lazy once they're married? #gailcollins
10/27/09
Cooking isn't terribly necessary these days either. #gailcollins
10/27/09
I'm just so shocked and confused, haha. If I ran into a guy who didn't do his laundry/clean his place/eat real food, I'd run away asap. #gailcollins
10/27/09
And he is FAR better at folding laundry than I am. #gailcollins
10/27/09
Now this... this is one area where I WISH women would stop rewarding helplessness and unintentionally perpetuating sexism. Stop partering with lazy men who are domestically useless! #gailcollins
10/27/09
I just don't understand it. Clearly, the second shift harms women, and lots of women recognize that their S.O. is domestically useless, why do they put up with it?
Either partner with someone who is a grown up, or make them be a grown up. That's what "domestics" are about, being a grown up. #gailcollins
10/27/09
10/27/09
We really need to get away from the idea that marriage is what we're "supposed" to do. Down with the life script! #gailcollins
10/27/09
Man and woman marry or move in together.
Woman wants to show her love, so she takes on a little extra housework to be nice. Maybe she cooks dinner and does the dishes every night.
Woman expects man to adore her for this and do something similar for her.
Man thinks "Sweet! I have a wife that cooks!"
Six to twelve months later, woman flips out because she feel unappreciated.
Man doesn't want to take on his share of work and complains that he thought she liked it.
I don't think its as simple as men are lazy, but I do think a lot of men have a competitive mindset and want to get away with things. They don't necessarily think about how the other person feels all the time. They take advantage of nice without realizing
I think everyone should divide chores like roommates the second they move in together. #gailcollins